


Before and after I heard your voice

by AnkaBaiam



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: +5, 5+1 Things, Cute, Deaf Character, Deaf!Merlin, Fluff, Happy, M/M, Romance, SO MUCH FLUFF, almost no drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-10-19 00:28:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17591315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnkaBaiam/pseuds/AnkaBaiam
Summary: 5 + 1 + 55 chapters before Merlin got Cochlear Implant1 Chapter when he gets it5 Chapters after he gets his Cochlear ImplantAKA: Arthur learning what is it like to live with a deaf person(honestly, I am deaf, ask me any question, I will answer them :)





	1. You are deaf?!

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Before and After I heard your voice](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11290590) by [AnkaBaiam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnkaBaiam/pseuds/AnkaBaiam). 



> HI, so welcome, I am currently writing this story, so the updates are not going to be... regular, but there are going to be 11 chapters :) The purpose of this story is to introduce you, what is it like to be deaf, so if you have ANY questions, just ask! I will answer them all! :)

**STAGE 1: ASCERTAINMENT**

 

Merlin was only 13 when he suddenly, without any warning, got sick, which lead to him losing his hearing. Since then he was deaf.

First few days he couldn't believe it. He thought that after some time his hearing will come back. That one day he was going to wake up and hear again, but that day never came.

When he realized that his hearing was not coming back, there came a feeling of desperation.

He spent days locked in his room, not talking to anyone. He didn't want to go to school, nor outside to talk to his friends. He didn't even know how.

Eventually, he started going on lectures of sign language. It took him a while, but it was needed. His parents, who were attending as well managed to persuade his friends to join them as well (which helped Merlin more than he would ever admit).

Merlin also focused on reading lips, since it was easier for everyone to talk with him. The boy refused to attend a special school, not wanting to feel more different than he already did.

With help of his best friends Gwaine and Gwen he continued attending his old school, the teachers and both his friends helping him as much as they could.

Ever since the accident, Merlin wasn't the same. He didn't go outside as much and he wasn't so keen on meeting new people anymore, but eventually, his natural good mood returned.

Gwaine often thought about how much he admired Merlin. He was there when Merlin was in his worst, but he watched him climbing up. He watched him smiling and literally radiate with good mood, passing it onto his friends.

He was simply the strongest person Gwaine ever met.

 

When they finished their high school, all of them went to a university, Merlin at that point, was at peace with being deaf and slowly started socializing again. A new school, a new beginning.

Here Gwaine introduced him to his new friends; Percy, Lancelot, Leon and Elyan, while Gwen found a friend of her own, Morgana, Mithian and Freya. Merlin met them all. And everyone loved him.

They waited a while, before telling their new friends about Merlin being deaf. It was easier that way, because by then, they already knew, that they didn't need to tip toe around him- Merlin hated that.

The new friends were very understanding, learning something little about sign language, being careful about not speaking too fast and over each other. If anyone told Merlin that he was going to have such good friends a few years ago, he wouldn't believe them.

 

Two months into the school year, the group invited Merlin to go with them to a party. They didn't do it often, but hey, it was the first party of the year, they were going to celebrate it together!

Merlin as always tried to get out of it with his argument _I can't hear anything._ But after a long, neverending persuading, he finally agreed.

Once they reached the party, Gwaine with the boys went to get some beers, while Gwen stayed by Merlin's side. "What are we doing here?" Merlin asked her, but she didn't hear him. Merlin sometimes didn't know how loud he had to speak for one to hear him.

"What are we doing here?" he tried again, louder this time. Gwen definitely heard him this time. "That was too much," she smiled at him politely, "Today," she grinned, "we are going to find you a hook-up!"

"Gwen!" Merlin gasped, "What do you think about that guy?" she asked, pointing at one of the random guys. It was no secret that Merlin was playing for the _other team,_ "I know him, his name is Gilli."

Merlin shook his head. _Nope. That was not happening. Like come on, Gwen, do you see him? Nope._ Gwen only shrugged, "We will find you someone today," she told him, but it seemed more like a threat.

At that moment Gwaine returned, looking at them. Gwen shook her head and the boy rolled his eyes, his arm around Merlin. "You know," he signed, even though Merlin did not like to sign in the company.

"One day you will have to find him. Someone who's is going to cook for you since you can't. And wash your dirty clothe-" Merlin hit him in the chest jokingly, "Stop it," he grinned at him, "I can také care of myself."

"I know," Gwaine assured him, "better than any of us here." The rest of their friends joined them, smiling. "Oh, did you already meet my brother?" Morgana suddenly asked and everyone shook their heads.

"I am going to find him, you are going to love him Merlin!" she grinned at him and disappeared in the crowd. Merlin rolled his eyes, "Why's everyone trying to find me a man tonight?" he asked, but didn't get any answer.

As time went on, all their friends wandered away. Merlin saw them time from the time around the place. Gwen was dancing with Lancelot, Freya was talking with Will but Gwaine was still by Merlin's side wandered away. Merlin saw them time from the time around the place. Gwen was dancing with Lancelot, Freya was talking with Will but Gwaine was still by Merlin's side.

Gwaine was a good friend. He was there before and when Merlin lost his hearing. He was there even after. Merlin was glad to have found someone as a Gwaine, but today he felt bad for him.

He was the exact opposite of Merlin. He was outgoing, talkative and Merlin was pretty sure he got a crush on

"You can go, you know," he nudged into him, "talk to Percy," he looked toward the bar, where the other man was standing and back at Gwaine. "I'll be fine here," he assured him.

He could never imagine what it was like for Merlin to lose his hearing, but he never gave up. He always asked Merlin out, to cinema, concerts and parties. Both of them knew that Merlin was going to refuse every single time, but that was not the point.

Gwaine just wanted him to feel that he had an option, to not feel left out, when the others went to the cinema, without even asking him. Sometimes was Merlin in mood and agreed. And they had a lot of fun. Gwaine knew how to make him laugh.

Some days they just stayed at Merlin's, playing games or simply just talking about boys (and girls), movies and so much more.

"Are you sure?" Gwaine asked him, "I don't mind," he shrugged. "Yes, I will be alright, go and have fun, alright?" Gwaine smiled at him.

"But if you need anything, you come, okay?" he pointed his finger at him. Merlin grinned, "Deal, now go away, your man is waiting for you," he winked at him and Gwaine laughed, walking toward Percy, but turning around, waving back at Merlin.

Once he was -finally- gone, Merlin sighed and walked toward the door, making sure to avoid Gilli. Outside, in front of the house, Merlin found a bench and sat on it. It wasn't too cold yet, so he didn't even miss the jacket he forgot inside. Closing his eyes, he relaxed. _Finally. Peace at all._

It's always hard being around too many people. So much talking. So many things going on. One can never know what to focus on. Merlin hated it. It was exhausting.

Suddenly he felt someone sitting next to him. Merlin opened his eyes, looking on his side, where a blond man sat. Merlin frowned slightly, but the man didn't say anything, his eyes focusing on the Moon shining above them.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked Merlin, who was looking at him the whole time, "Yes, it is," at this point, even Merlin wasn't sure who he was talking about. The Moon or the boy? The blond finally looked down at Merlin and he chuckled.

He seemed familiar, Merlin realized, he surely had seen him somewhere around before. They were looking at each other for few seconds silently before the man spoke up.

"So," the blond smiled, "who are you running away from?" he asked him and Merlin frowned. "Running away?" "Well, there's a party inside and you are here." He didn't seem to know that Merlin was deaf. And it was going to stay that way.

"I could ask you some question," Merlin smiled back at him and the blond guy chuckled. "You got me there," he said in the end, "I am Arthur." Merlin shook his hand, "Merlin." "Nice to meet you, _Merlin._ "

"So, what's the reason you are out here?" Arthur asked and Merlin shrugged. "I wasn't really running away, I just wanted to be alone." "Oh," Arthur whispered, "Should I…?"

"No!" Merlin said quickly, "No, sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just… me and crowded places… we don't get along." Arthur smiled again and got, Merlin was already in love with that smile.

"Which faculty are you at?" Arthur asked him, "I study astrophysics," Merlin told him, "Moon and all that stuff…" he pointed above their heads, where the stars were shining.

"Wow," Arthur looked impressed, "that sounds… complicated." "It is," Merlin agreed, especially if you are deaf and don't understand the half of what is said on the lectures, "But I am good with numbers," he added.

"Yeah," Arthur chuckled, "you look nerdy." Merlin frowned, "Needy?" "Nerdy!" Arthur laughed, "did you lose your hearing inside?" the blond man joked, "I mean, it's totally understandable, the music is horrible."

Merlin knew he was only joking, not knowing that Merlin actually did lose his hearing. Instead, he decided to change the topic. "What do you study?" he asked him and Arthur's face straightened.

"You really don't know who I am, do you?" Merlin shook his head, "I am a first year here and I don't go to many parties." "Oh… well, I am Arthur Pendragon." Merlin shrugged, the name didn't tell him anything.

"My father owns the school," Arthur surrendered, looking at Merlin. "Oh no," the younger man groaned, "I should have to know that you are a prat." "Hey! I am not a prat!" Merlin chuckled.

"Right, sorry, you're a royal prat," he corrected himself, Arthur unable to hold the smile anymore, "You're funny, Merlin," he said. Merlin wasn't sure if he was mocking him or not.

"You're not so bad yourself," he teased back, their wide smiles matching.

"I study music," Arthur told him, "I play the piano," and Merlin nodded. Of course, he is a bloody musician, he thought, that was never going to work out, he sighed.

Their conversation then went on in a nice and friendly flow. Arthur's mouth was nice, I mean, easy to read lips, Merlin corrected himself, nice, his brain added and Merlin couldn't really argue. Arthur's mouth was nice.

Merlin lost track of time, how happy he was, talking to Arthur. The Moon was shinning just fine for Merlin to see Arthur's face, even though, sometimes he had to ask him to repeat what he said, on which Arthur usually answered, smiling;

"I really wonder if you hadn't lost your hearing inside?" or "You sure you're not deaf?" But Merlin didn't say anything. It was simply the cost of talking to someone without them knowing that he was deaf.

He just wanted to feel normal, as other people were, hearing.

As they were talking, they were unconsciously moving closer to each other. By now their knees were touching and Merlin could feel the warmth radiating from Arthur's body.

Merlin was feeling really happy at the moment, so of course, it had to be then, when Gilli appeared.

Arthur looked up, breaking the eye contact with Merlin. Before Merlin could turn around to look where Arthur was looking, someone touched his shoulder.

Merlin squeaked, not expecting it and would have fallen from the bench if it wasn't for Arthur's strong arms steadying him. "What?" he asked Gilli, a bit upset. He scared him for fucks sake.

"Dou you want to get a beer?" Gilli asked him, speaking slowly, articulating as an idiot, with his hands motioning to be drinking something, Merlin realized someone had to tell him.

Confused and angry he looked at Arthur, whose hands were still on Merlin's sides, warm and steady, then back at Gilli.

"I…" he started, but the man was already dragging him inside. He got them both beers and started talking. Really slowly, articulating, making sure that Merlin understood everything.

He would. If Gilli didn't speak like an idiot. He kind of hated him for that. Merlin is not a child… or an idiot, Gilli can just talk. Like Arthur was.

When he was talking with Arthur, it was more… adventurous. Merlin felt free, talking to someone, who he thought is hearing as the others.

"What do you think about it?" Gilli asked, but Merlin found out, that he wasn't really paying attention to him, not that it was anyhow surprising, so he just shrugged and looked around.

Where was Arthur? He wanted to talk to Arthur. He wanted to see him again. He already missed him. His smile. His eyes. Everything.

But then he saw Gwaine and forgot about Gilli, running after his friend and leaving him behind. Gwaine was talking to Percy when Merlin interrupted them.

"Sorry," Merlin excused to Percy as he took Gwaine's hand and dragged him away, "You told him!" he shouted, Gwaine frowned, "Who? What?"

"Why did you tell Gilli I can't hear?" "Calm down mate," Gwaine said, "I didn't, it must have been Gwen. What happened?" Merlin sighed.

"What do you think happened? He's talking to me," Gwaine pointed his finger down. That meant for Merlin to speak quieter. "He's talking to me as if I was a fucking child or totally dumb," he continued quieter.

Gwaine laughed, "I am sorry mate," he said, "can I see it?" "No!" Merlin didn't want to be near him again that night. Or ever. Then Merlin saw him.

Arthur. He was standing on the other side of the room, watching him. Merlin's heart skipped a beat. Simply staring back at him.

Gwaine waved his hand in front of Merlin's face to get his attention when it didn't work, he touched his shoulder carefully.

"Are you okay?" he asked when Merlin looked back at him. "Yeah." Merlin nodded, "let's get a beer," he suggested. Gwaine nodded, taking Merlin's hand, dragging him toward the bar.

Before they could disappear, Merlin looked back at Arthur, his eyes meeting Merlin's. The younger man smiled nervously. He wasn't blushing. He was not.

 

Few beers later Gwaine ran off somewhere and Merlin was on his own. But he didn't mind this time, because Arthur took the opportunity to talk to Merlin again.

"Hi," he smiled at Merlin, when he approached him, "running again?" he asked. Merlin groaned, "He doesn't give up. Not you, Gilli," he told him and Arthur laughed. Damn that smile, Merlin thought.

"Do you want to go dance with me?" Merlin froze, "No thanks," he said. "Why not?" Merlin shrugged, "I am not a dancing person." Arthur laughed again, "Everyone is!" With that, he dragged Merlin in middle of the room, between others and started dancing.

But Merlin had no idea, what he should do. He couldn't feel the rhythm of the music, because it wasn't loud enough. To make vibrations.

Arthur must have seen his struggling, because he took Merlin's hands in his owns and nodded at him, "Just follow my lead," he said and without any warning pulled Merlin closer to himself.

As he was dancing into the rhythm, Merlin felt himself relaxing into the embrace, moving, copying Arthur's movements, dancing. He only hoped that Arthur wasn't talking to him at the moment, because he couldn't see his face.

They danced for few more minutes before Merlin noticed Gilli walking in their direction. "Gilli," he gasped. Suddenly the blond man pulled away from him looking around. He probably noticed the man as well, taking Merlin's hand he dragged them away.

Away from Gilli. Away from people. Outside in the night. Toward the bench.

Both of them sat down, looking at each other. It only took a few seconds, before they started laughing like a child. "Thank you," Merlin said, once they calmed down, "I am not sure I would survive another talking with him."

Arthur grinned, "My pleasure." leaning against the bench, the older man closed his eyes and enjoyed the sun shines on his face. It made his hair look like gold.

Merlin couldn't tear his eyes from him. When Arthur opened his eyes again, he looked at Merlin with a warm smile, "Are you watching everyone as close as you watch me?" he asked quietly.

Merlin was blushing. There was no point denying it. "Sorry, it's-" "It's okay," Arthur interrupted him, "I don't mind," he smiled as his hand reached up, brushing Merlin's cheek carefully.

The younger man melted into the touch immediately.

Merlin didn't want to talk. He just wanted to be there with Arthur. Look at him. But he knew. That it wasn't what Arthur probably wanted to do, while the party was still on.

"You know," he spoke up quietly, "it's okay if you want to go back to the party. It's not much fun with me." Arthur looked at him and smiled, "I can't, you still haven't asked me what I am running away from."

Merlin raised his eyebrows, not understanding, "What… are you running away from?" he asked unsurely and Arthur grinned.

"I am actually not running away from anything, I just saw you leaving and I thought, 'oh my god, he's so pretty, I should go out and talk to him'" Merlin felt the blush coming to his cheeks.

"It's much better outside with you, than inside with all those people there." _Did he really say it? Does he think Merlin's pretty?_ "Anyway, I think if I stayed at the party any longer, I'd probably be deaf," he chuckled, "those songs… geez."

Merlin suddenly got enough.

"What's your deal with being deaf?" he said, probably louder than he intended because Arthur looked surprised.

"Nothing, I guess?" "All night you're talking about it, making fun of it as if it was some horrible deal." Arthur wasn't moving. _Great job Merlin, now you can forget talking to him ever again._

"I am sorry if I offended you," Arthur stood up, walking toward Merlin, "is anyone closed to you def?" Merlin scoffed.

"Why do you think I am here, outside, alone, not talking to anyone. Why do you think I don't dance? Why do you think I look at you all the time. No you're not that pretty," he knew he was being harsh, but he needed to vent.

"Why do you think I am asking you to repeat every fucking second answer you say?!" Now he was definitely shouting. He was too angry with Arthur, that he didn't notice Gwen walking to them.

"Jesus Merlin! I am so sorry, I didn't know…" Arthur tried to touch his cheek, but Merlin avoided him.

Shaking his head he walked away from him.

When he left, Arthur noticed Gwen standing there few metres away from him and probably saw everything. "I am so sorry," he whispered, "I really am," he said and quickly left before she could say anything.

 ～☽✺☾～

 

Avoiding Arthur in the school wasn't hard at all. Since Merlin knew that Arthur was a musician, he made sure to avoid music classes that there were. Actually the whole music faculty. Not that he minded.

 

Gwaine was waiting in front of his class one day, sharing a friendly smile with Gwen he nodded at Merlin. "You got a minute? Let's get something to eat." Who was Merlin to say no to food?

They headed to their favourite Italian place that was near, Gwaine ordered a pizza and Merlin lasagne. As always. They were men of habits.

As they were eating, Merlin noticed that Gwaine was looking at him more frequently than it seemed to be normal.

"What is it?" he asked at the end when Gwaine didn't say anything. His friend only shrugged, "What? Nothing." Merlin raised his eyebrows.

"I saw you nodding at Gwen, what is it?" Gwaine rolled his eyes, "It's nothing, just Gwen saw you with some guy at the party and we were worried that something happened."

Merlin groaned, hiding his head in his hands, "It was nothing, that guy was an asshole." He told Gwaine once he looked up again, "You don't have to worry about it."

"I am sorry, I shouldn't have left you there," Gwaine excused to him. "No, Gwaine, it's alright, I had fun, really, it was not your fault. He was an idiot, it happens, I am already over it."

_He wasn't. Even though he was still upset, he couldn't stop thinking about Arthur. When he was with him, he felt happy. But different happy than with Gwaine._

"Okay mate," Gwaine smiled at him, "Oh and Gilli was asking for you today!" Merlin stared at him, "What the hell he wanted?"

"You should give him one more chance mate," Gwaine said, "I talked to him, and told him how you feel like children or an idiot…" Merlin groaned, his head hitting the table.

"You didn't…" Merlin rolled his eyes, "Gwaine. You. Didn't. Tell. Him. That." At that moment Gwaine started laughing.

"Don't worry, but we talked and he will try to do better, alright?" Merlin raised his eyebrows, "Just give him a chance."

Suddenly Gwaine grinned, looking somewhere behind Merlin when the man turned around, he saw Morgana walking in the restaurant with some friend of hers, Merlin shot her a smile, before turning back to Gwaine.

His hand slipped and his phone fell on the ground, Merlin reached down for it when he sat back to his chair, Morgana was standing by their table.

"Oh, hi Morgana," he smiled at her, "how are you?" "Hi Merlin, doing just fine, I am actually having lunch with my brother today, have you met him?"

Merlin shook his head, looking at the man standing next to Morgana. Arthur. Merlin gasped and Arthur tensed as well, quickly looking away.

"I am going to be late," Merlin blurted out, quickly taking all his stuff and leaving the restaurant in record time.

"But his school was done for today…" Gwaine frowned, looking up at the Pendragon siblings. "Arthur? You okay?" Morgana frowned at her brother, but the blond man was already walking away.

"What the fuck?" Morgana and Gwaine frowned.

 

Sometimes Merlin saw him around the school, on the halls, but every time Arthur looked at him, Merlin looked away and vice versa.

No matter how hard Merlin tried to avoid Arthur, he was always somewhere. It probably had something to do with the fact that he was Morgana's brother.

But it seemed that Arthur was avoiding him as well. Merlin was glad because at least they avoided those awkward situations, but also he hoped.

He hoped that maybe one day Arthur would change his mind and talk to him. Smile and laugh at something that Merlin said.

 

When the week finally ended, Merlin had one class less than Gwaine and Gwen. Since he had nothing better to do, he decided to wait for them. The weather was nice, so he sat in the grass in front of the school and drew.

Looking up, a few minutes later, he saw Gwen talking to Arthur, she was smiling at him, before brushing his arm and walking toward Merlin. He was not jealous. Not at all.

Were they friends now, or what? He should have realized that Arthur was way too good for him to be gay as well.

He tried to pretend that he didn't see Gwen's encounter with Artur, when she walked to him and hugged him, asking how was his day.

It took only a few minutes before he gave up, "Why have you been talking to Arthur?" he asked. Gwen stopped walking and looked at Merlin.

"It's not important," she said, "So why did you stop walking?" Merlin asked, "you only stop when you are serious about something." Gwen sighed.

"You should talk to him, not ask me," she said and started walking again, "Why do both of you think I am some messenger?" he signed furiously.

Merlin frowned, "He wanted you to tell me something?" Gwen shook her head, "I told him to talk to you," she signed since she was walking to fast for Merlin to see her friend. The man groaned.

All his friends went out again, Gwaine seemed to complain a bit about it, but Gwen persuaded him somehow, saying that he should leave Merlin alone for once.

He should have realized earlier that something was going on.

Merlin sat to the couch and turned on his notebook and decided to watch something on Netflix. He was in the middle of the movie when his phone vibrated.

 

**< unknown number>**

_Open the door._

_???_

_Who's that_

_?_

_You won't find out if you don't open._

 

Merlin frowned. Who had his number and was standing by his door? He looked again on the number but hadn't any idea to whom it could belong. Maybe Gilli?

Oh god, he hoped not. Well, but as the person said, he wasn't going to find out, unless he opened the door.

When he opened the door, his heart skipped a beat.

_Arthur._

Both of them were just standing there, without any word. Arthur was looking straight in Merlin's eyes and Merlin saw pain in them. And sadness.

"I, uh…" Arthur started, "I didn't know if I have to ring, or knock because you know…" he babbled, carefully pointing toward his ear.

"Oh," Merlin nodded, nervously looking down at his hands and back at Arthur, "next time just ring… there are these lights, which kinda warn me that someone ringing… or knocking… you know,.."

There was another awkward silence. Again. Merlin looked at Arthur and then in the living room behind him. "I…" Merlin started, but Arthur interrupted him.

What he did, took Merlin's breath away.

Arthur started to sign.


	2. Turn off the sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur wants to watch a movie, Merlin agrees on one condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I should probably mention that lip reading is very very hard, but I made it seem easier in this story, ok? :D thanks and enjoy this chapter :)))

**STAGE 2: ADAPTING**

 

Merlin wanted to send Arthur away and go back to watching the movie, but then happened something that took his breath away.

 Arthur looked around, to make sure they were alone and then he started to sign.

"I am sorry," he signed first, and looked at Merlin nervously, making sure he understood him so far, "that I hurt you," he continued.

Merlin couldn't breathe, his heart was beating like crazy. "I am sorry for the things I said and I hope you will forgive me." Arthur's hands were shaking as he let them down, looking up at Merlin.

It was slow and with many mistakes, but Merlin really appreciated the gesture.

"I really am sorry, you were right, I was being a royal prat number 1, alright?" Arthur spoke up quietly, after a short silence when Merlin hasn't said anything.

"So could you please forgive me? I promise I will do everything in my power to atone everything I said to you if you let m-"

Merlin suddenly surged forward, silencing Arthur with a kiss. It was a careful kiss, exploring even. Arthur immediately melted against Merlin's soft lips.

"Prat," Merlin whispered when they pulled away from each other to breathe. Merlin smiled at Arthur, "Took you long enough," he teased him.

"I wanted it to be perfect, I mean it Merlin, I will make it up to you, everything. If you let me," Merlin grinned, "You will get there," he promised, before taking his hand, pulling him in the flat, closing the door behind them.

The movie long forgotten they went straight to Merlin's room. There wasn't much talking, but soon both of them fell asleep, still in their clothes on top of the blankets.

It was only in the middle of the night when Arthur pulled Merlin closer to himself and put the blanket over them.

 

When Merlin woke up the next morning, he was alone. He frowned, remembering what happened the previous evening.

But there was no sign of Arthur ever being there. As if he disappeared. Merlin reached for his phone and opened it.

 **< Gwaine> ** _Hey Merlin, I am staying over at Percy's, see you tomorrow G._

Merlin sighed, there were no other messages, not from Arthur at least. _Maybe it was really just a dream? Arthur would have never learned sign language just because of Merlin, would he?_

Merlin groaned as he fell back in the bed, but couldn't fell asleep again. After a few minutes, he gave up and walked in the kitchen to make himself breakfast.

As he walked into the room, he froze. There was a stranger in the kitchen.

Arthur. _So it wasn't a dream after all._

The blond man was cooking smashed eggs, when he turned around, smiling widely at Merlin.

"Good morning," he tried to sign but wasn't exactly sure how. Merlin nodded at him as to show him that he understood, that gave some more courage to Arthur and he started signing again.

But this time Merlin frowned, "I beg your pardon?" he asked, confused. Arthur looked at him with disappointed eyes, "It was a compliment," he said, but looking at Merlin's face he realized something was wrong.

"What did I say?" he asked, horrified. Merlin chuckled, walking toward him. When he was standing about two steps away from the other man, he spoke up again.

"You just signed," now he was standing right in front of Arthur, that he could feel his breath tickling Merlin's skin, "That I look horrible."

Arthur groaned, hiding his head between his hands, but Merlin pushed them away, cupping Arthur's face with his own.

"I am sorry," Arthur signed, "I would never say that to you, not intentionally," he said and Merlin nodded, smiling kindly at him, "I know," he assured him as he leaned even closer to Arthur and kissed him.

"You're not so bad yourself," Merlin teased Arthur. The blond man leaned into another kiss, when Merlin suddenly frowned, pulling away from him, "Something's burning."

Arthur gasped, remembering the breakfast he was cooking for Merlin. He ran to the stove, quickly pulling the eggs away from the fire.

Merlin was laughing the whole time, until Arthur walked back to him and silenced him with another kiss. Merlin could get used to this.

"I like this," he murmured against Arthur's lips, "kissing you." Arthur grinned, "That's good, I am not planning to stop anytime soon."

 

They ate breakfast in silence (or at least Arthur did, for Merlin it was normal), none of them saying anything. But Merlin saw Arthur looking around the flat and at Merlin, frowning time from time.

"Oh God," Merlin chuckled, throwing a piece of bread at Arthur, "just ask me already." The blond man was watching him silently.

"Look, Arthur, it's okay, I get it, you have questions and it's okay, I don't mind. As a matter of a fact I am rather pleased to answer your questions," Merlin assured him.

"Even if they are stupid?" Arthur asked nervously. "Even if they are stupid," Merlin smiled at him, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers.

"How… how do you wake up in the morning?" Arthur asked, looking down at his hands and back at Merlin, "Like, do you have some app on your phone or…?"

Merlin smiled, "Yes that is also possible, but mostly I would say that people have this, like a small box," the man explained.

"You put it under the pillow and then it vibrates so much, until you're awake. It's horrible, really. I got rid of it the first morning I tried it. Almost gave me a heart attack."

Arthur was laughing quietly, looking at Merlin with fond eyes. "And what about the… door thing?" He asked once they calmed down.

"There's a light above the door," Merlin pointed toward it, "When someone rings, or God forbid, the fire alarm goes off, it starts lightning…"

Arthur opened his mouth again to say something, but Merlin beat him to it. "When you're deaf, it kind of highlights your other senses."

"Oh, so you have like… super sight?" Merlin rolled his eyes, but smiling, "Prat." "Idiot." They were goofily grinning at each other.

"Can you learn me some signs? You know… like sign language?" Arthur blurted out and Merlin froze. _Did he really? He wanted to stay with Merlin and even learn to sign because of him?_

 _It seemed almost unreal. How could it be?  Arthur was… way out of his league._ Merlin got so lost in his thoughts that Arthur started to worry that he broke him.

"Merlin? Merlin!" he called his name a few times, before the younger man finally snapped back to him, smiling absently.

"What?" Merlin asked him, "You kinda zoned out, I was worried-" "I am fine, I was just thinking." "About what?" "You."

"I thought I would never see you again after you found out… and I shouted at you." Arthur sighed, "Oh Merlin," he stood up from the table and walked around, kneeling next to Merlin.

"I don- I don't care that you are deaf," he told him, brushing his cheek carefully, "I have seen you before, you know…"

"And I thought, damn! He's fucking hot." Merlin scoffed, but Arthur cupped his face, forcing him to look at him, "and here we are, I am not letting you go just because of some… inconvenience."

Merlin smiled at him, tears in his eyes, "What did I do to deserve you?" "I am asking myself the same thing," Arthur whispered, kissing Merlin softly.

"So, what do you say?" he asked, once he pulled away from the kiss, "What do I say to what?" Merlin frowned, his fingers playing with the hair on the back of Arthur's head.

"Will you teach me some sign language?" Merlin grinned, "You really want to?" Arthur nodded, "Of course, you speak my language and I want to speak yours."

"Oh my god, I never would have imagined you being such a sap," Merlin pecked him on the lips, "Only for you," Arthur smiled, kissing him.

"I would love to. To teach you something. What would you like to know?" He asked, "I would like to kiss you senseless right now." Merlin rolled his eyes, "I meant-"

Arthur didn't let him finish, cutting him off with another kiss. "Arthur," Merlin whispered against his lips, "Arthur…" "What?" "You wanted to learn, didn't you?"

"Ugh, you're spoiling the fun," Arthur pretended to be annoyed, leaving to the bedroom, knowing very well that Merlin was going to follow him soon.

And he was right. Just when he lied onto the bed, on his back, hands under his head, looking up, waiting for Merlin, the younger man entered.

Merlin looked at Arthur laying on his bed seducingly. He started signing. Knowing that Arthur couldn't understand him, but that was the fun in it.

Once he stopped, Arthur was staring at him, frowning. "I have honestly no idea at all what you just said- I mean, signed," he told him and Merlin chuckled.

"See? That's why you need to learn," Merlin told him, signing it at the same time. "Well, then, teach me," Arthur lied on his side, petting on the bed next to him, motioning for Merlin to sit. Or lie down.

The younger man sat on the bed next to him, "You know what?" he said, singing as well, "For every sign, you learn I give you a kiss, hm?" Arthur grinned.

"I like the sound of that," he was smiling so widely that Merlin forgot how to sign or talk for a few seconds. "Come on, teach me, I want to kiss you."

Merlin chuckled, "You're silly," he nudged into him, "I don't know," he frowned, brushing his hair nervously, "What should I teach you?"

"Anything, come on, I wanna kiss you!" Arthur whined, plopping back onto the bed. "Alright," Merlin laughed quietly, "Let's start with the basics."

"Hello, how are you?" Merlin said as he signed and Arthur tried to repeat it. Looking up at Merlin, he waited for his approval, the younger man nodded and Arthur chuckled, surging forward to kiss him.

"I said one kiss per a sign," Merlin teased, when they pulled away few seconds later. "Well, I signed more than one sign, didn't I?" Arthur tried leaning for another kiss, but Merlin ducked.

"Prat," he teased, but Arthur already had his arms around Merlin's waist, pulling him closer, leaning for another kiss.

When they pulled away a few minutes later, they stayed lying in the bed, Merlin's head on Arthur's chest, as the older man was brushing his hair softly, lost in his thoughts.

A few minutes later Merlin looked up at Arthur, turning around, so he was lying on his stomach, facing the other man, "What?" he asked quietly, sensing that Arthur was thinking about something hard.

"What what?" Arthur asked quietly, forcing a smile at Merlin. "Just say it," Merlin encouraged him, brushing Arthur's cheek, but he shook his head, looking away, so Merlin wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

"You know you can ask me anything, I won't get upset," Merlin promised him and Arthur looked back at him, "Do you remember what is like to hear?" he asked in the end and the younger man tensed.

Before Arthur could say anything, Merlin lied back on Arthur's chest, looking out of the window. "Sometimes," he whispered and Arthur started brushing his hair again, hoping to comfort Merlin a little bit at least.

"Sometimes I feel like I do," Merlin started, "Sometimes, I have… it's like a sound memories, visions, or whatever you want to call it. Like, you know, when see something and it reminds you of for example your childhood…"

"Like, when you see a picture of a tree and you remember the treehouse you got, you see it, but the more you try to imagine it, remember what it looked like, the harder it is."

"It's like a flash, you see it and then it's gone. That's what it feels like. Sometimes, when something scares me, or in my dreams… when I am walking on the street, sometimes I feel like I can hear it."

"I can hear the sound, but it's too far. I can't catch it, I can't replay it, to really find out how it sounds… but it's there. I know it's there," Merlin looked up again at Arthur, "Does it make sense?"

Arthur nodded, "I know. It's like when you know you remember something, but suddenly can't remember what it was. But you know it's there, the idea."

He was playing with Merlin's hair and when Merlin looked up at him again, he quickly looked away. Arthur didn't want Merlin to see him sad. He wanted to be strong. For Merlin.

 

"Do you," Arthur signed, "watch a movie?" Merlin grinned at him, "Sure, what movie?" he signed slowly back and Arthur shrugged, "Choose," he told him, "some with… subtitles." Merlin nodded.

"You can choose any movie you want," Merlin told him, "but on one condition." Arthur raised his eyebrows, "What is that?" he asked him, the younger man grinning even wider.

They were lying on the bed, the computer in front of them. Merlin found subtitles and downloaded them, starting the movie.

Arthur frowned, realizing something was missing, but before he could say anything, Merlin beat him to it. "This time," he looked at Arthur, "I want you to watch the movie and experience it the same way as I do."

Only then Arthur realized how weird it was watching a movie without a sound. It was both, a very interesting but also weird situation. He saw the movie many times before, but never without a sound.

He knew it was going to be different, but he could never imagine how much. He found out that he couldn't even remember the voices of the main characters.

_A human voice is the first thing you forget._

When the movie ended, Merlin was lying there, tears in his eyes. "Are you crying?" Arthur asked him, putting his arms around Merlin, hugging him tightly, "I also cried the first time I saw it."

Arthur kissed him in the hair, "I am not crying!" Merlin argued, louder than he expected, seeing the older man to wince, he excused, "Sorry, sometimes I don't know how loud I can speak…"

"It's okay," Arthur smiled kindly at him. "But we have a thing with Gwaine and Gwen… when I am speaking too loud, or too quiet, they usually just point their fingers, up or down, depends on the situation."

"It's hard to guess how loud I am speaking, or how loud I have to speak for you to hear me… Sometimes I might be shouting at you and I don't even mean or know it." "Yeah, I can confirm that," Arthur chuckled.

"Prat!" Merlin pushed into him, lying away from Arthur. "It's really easy. When I am talking too quiet, they show me thumb up, and when it's too loud, it's thumb down."

"You know," Merlin continued, but Arthur started showing him his thumb down. Merlin tried to talk quieter, until he stopped talking in the end. "Perfect," Arthur smiled, leaning in, kissing him.

"Seriously?" Merlin scoffed but definitely did not mind.

"How about you?" Merlin asked once they pulled apart, looking at each other silently. Arthur frowned, "What do you mean?" "The movie…" Arthur felt the tears coming to his eyes, quickly he turned around, not wanting Merlin to see him cry.

"What's wrong?" Merlin asked him, touching his cheek, moving it, so Arthur was facing him, looking into his eyes.

"Nothing," Arthur said and tried to smile. Merlin raised his eyebrows, "You know you can tell me anything right?" he said and kissed him softly.

A few minutes later Arthur spoke up again, "I…I just," he turned his face toward Merlin, so he could see what he was saying, but he wasn't looking at him. He couldn't.

"It was just so weird for me, to watch the movie without all the sounds. I realized that I don't even remember the voices… and I mean… three years…" he paused, "I just can't imagine how horrible it must have been, when you lost your hearing, and how…"

"Shh," Merlin brushed his cheek slowly, "hey, Arthur. Look at me," but the older man didn't. "I don't want you to be sad, okay? I am fine. I am not sad." _Maybe a little. Maybe sometimes. But he couldn't change it._ Arthur finally looked up at him.

"I am sorry," he whispered. Merlin just kissed him, "It's okay," he said and put his head on Arthur's chest and the man started brushing his hair.

 

 For dinner, they ordered pizza, mainly, because Arthur wanted to see, how the bell was working. After about 40 minutes, Arthur heard the doorbell.

Seconds later the light above the door started lightning, Merlin's mobile vibrating on the table. "Pizza's here," Merlin said with a smile.

 

When Gwaine arrived later that evening, Arthur was already leaving. Merlin didn't want them to meet, knowing that Gwaine would tease him about it whole week.

They agreed to keep it quiet, at least for no. Unfortunately Gwaine arrived before Arthur could leave. That much for keeping it quiet.

Fortunately, Gwaine, being the good friend he was, promised to not say anything to anyone. Merlin kissed Arthur goodbye and they parted. Once he was out of the door, Merlin had to face Gwaine.

Gwaine, who seemed way too excited about it. "Oh my god!" he was shouting, "I am so happy for you!" he said, hugging him. "I want to know everything!" he insisted, but Merlin quickly left to his room.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

Gwaine was asking about Arthur all the time, but Merlin didn't tell him anything. It has been only a few days, but he already missed Arthur and wanted to be with him, unfortunately, they hadn't have had much time.

At least they texted every single day. Both Gwaine and Gwen teased Merlin about it nonstop, that he was smiling as lovesick fool, while texting his _boyfriend._

Even Hunith noticed.

She insisted that Merlin tells her more about him. And for the first time, Merlin did. He told her everything about Arthur and she wanted to meet him immediately, nicely surprised by him.

Arthur didn't seem to mind and so they agreed on a dinner. After that Merlin decided to tell his friends as well, starting with Gwen.

He invited her after the school for a kebab. Waiting for her in front of school, Merlin nervously fidgeted with his jacket. His phone vibrated.

 

 **< Arthur>** _It's going to be alright, she loves me already <3_

 _Not everyone loves you, you prat!_ Merlin typed, _She doesn't even know you_

 **< Arthur>**  _I beg your pardon? I am simply charming man, no one can say no to me_

 _No,_ Merlin was aware he was grinning like a fool again, _See? I can :P_

 **< Arthur> ** _:'(_

 **< Arthur>**  _Oh also, don't plan anything for Friday!_

 

Merlin wanted to text him back, ask what he planned, when someone stood in front of him. He looked up and smiled at Gwen. "Hi Merlin! Who're you texting?" He only shrugged hugging her tightly.

"You ready to go?" he asked instead and the woman nodded, "Yeah, let's go! I never say no to food!" she joked and they went.

After they took their kebabs, they walked outside, to the park, where they sat on the bench, eating them. Gwen was telling Merlin about her day, being the good friend she was. Merlin patiently watched her.

"I have met someone," he suddenly blurted out, looking at her. The woman stopped signing and looked at Merlin, "Really? Good for you! Is it that guy from party? She asked and Merlin almost nodded.

"What was his name? …Gilli?" Merlin frowned, "No!" he shook his head, "Oh gods no! Why did you even tell him I can't hear? You know how much I hate that…" Gwen nodded, "I know, I am sorry," she signed.

"So… who's the lucky guy?" she asked few seconds later. Merlin took a deep breath, smiling at his friend, "Do you… do you remember the guy… from the party… the one I shouted at?" Gwen nodded.

"His name's Arthur, we… he came by later to my flat and we… talked," he said, waiting for Gwen's reaction. "Oh my god! You forgave him!" she squeaked, "Oh! I am so happy, Morgana's going to be so happy too!"

Merlin frowned, "Wait… you talked to him?" "Merlin, darling, after I told Morgana what happened, she talked to Arthur, oh you should have seen that, she went crazy at him… poor Arthur," she chuckled.

"But after that we talked and he said that he was sorry and all that… I gave him your number and address. Why do you think I forced Gwaine out of the flat?" Merlin was shocked.

_Such a betrayal._

So evidently everyone already knew about him and Arthur. Merlin couldn't say that he minded.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

When Merlin got out of the school on Friday, Arthur was already there, waiting for him. Not telling him where they were going, he took Merlin's hand and walked wherever they were headed.

Few minutes later they stood in front of a cinema. "A cinema?" Merlin asked, "Seriously Arthur?" But Arthur was only smiling. Merlin frowned, "What am I missing?" he asked and Arthur pointed at the program.

"Mute movie," he signed. It was a new sign he learned and he was very proud of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And as always, feel free to ask any questions :)


	3. I just want to be as you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin gets drunk and questions some things, but Arthur is there for him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I am excited by your response! Glad so many people enjoy this story! :)

**STAGE 3: AMBITION**

 

"Mute movie?" Merlin asked, "Seriously?" Arthur was smiling, he leaned to Merlin to kiss him, but the younger man pulled away.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked with a frown, Arthur raised his eyebrows, chuckling. "Because I really really like you and I want to také you out on a date."

Merlin blushed slightly, looking away to hide it, "I am sorry, I still can't believe that you are real," with that he looked up at Arthur and kissed him softly.

"I really really like you too," Arthur brushed Merlin's cheek, "I'm glad you do. We would have a problem otherwise." Taking Merlin's hand, they walked inside.

Arthur insisted on paying for the tickets, he also wanted to buy the popcorn and something to drink, but Merlin thought that it was only a stupid distraction- to eat while watching a movie.

Finding their seats, which were in the last row, they sat down and the movie began. It was one of those old black and white movies and Merlin didn't enjoy it much, but he didn't mind.

Not as long as he was watching it with Arthur. Actually, he was paying more attention to Arthur than the movie itself.

A few minutes later Arthur looked away from the movie at Merlin and their eyes met. Merlin didn't say anything, only slowly leaned closer to Arthur.

It was just a peck, but Arthur's hand reached behind Merlin's neck, pulling him closer, kissing him again and again.

And once they started, they couldn't seem to stop. Arthur lifted the armrest between them and sat closer to Merlin. The cinema wasn't too crowded and no one seemed to pay any attention to them.

Arthur's hand reached under Merlin's shirt, brushing the warm skin. "Geez, your hands are freezing," Merlin whispered against Arthur's lips, his own hands reaching into Arthur's hair, tugging a bit.

The older man smiled in the kiss, his hands drawing away. "No," Merlin groaned in dissatisfaction, "come back."

Arthur chuckled, brushing Merlin's cheek, kissing him softly. Merlin deepened the kiss as the older man put his arms around Merlin, pulling him onto his lap.

"I want you," Merlin said quietly as he pulled away from Arthur, looking straight into his eyes, "I want you so much."

Arthur froze for a second, not sure if he was hearing it right. "You want to-" "Yes," Merlin interrupted him before he could finish it.

"Oh god, Merlin," Arthur pulled him into another kiss, "we have to leave. _Now,_ " he growled out the last words, Merlin chuckling, already standing up, taking Arthur's hand.

They basically ran out of the cinema. People watching them with confused looks.

Once outside, Arthur spun merlin around, pressing him against himself, "So," he kissed him, "My place or yours?" Merlin asked.

"Morgana's at mine," Arthur said, "so it has to be yours. We can kick Gwaine out." Merlin chuckled, already pulling Arthur in the direction of his flat.

The apartment wasn't far, but the way took them twice as long because they couldn't separate from each other, stopping on every corner to kiss some more. _They couldn't stop. They didn't want to._

 

Fortunately for them, Gwaine was in his room and so was Gwen, so without the need to talk to them, they locked themselves in Merlin's room, heading straight toward the bed.

Arthur pushed Merlin against the wall, kissing him some more, stripping the clothes off him. But then he pushed away from him, enough, so he could look at him.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asked carefully, brushing Merlin's cheeks. "Yes," Merlin smiled, pulling him into a kiss.

"Arthur. Stop over thinking this. I want you. Now, preferably," he teased, pulling Arthur's shirt off, kissing him again.

Not so long after they moved to Merlin's bed.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

When Merlin woke up in the morning, there was warmth around him. Merlin looked on his side, where Arthur was lying, already watching him with a smile.

"Good morning," he signed and kissed him. Merlin grinned at him, brushing Arthur's cheek. "I can't believe you're real," he whispered.

Arthur put his arms around him, pressing him closer to himself, "I feel very much real and I am not going anywhere."

Merlin broke out of the embrace so he could kiss Arthur.

 

When they finally got out of the bed, Merlin went to the kitchen to prepare them some breakfast, while Arthur decided to také a shower.

Gwen was already sitting there, smiling at him, "Good morning," she signed, "Good morning." Merlin smiled at her.

"You look tired," she pointed out, "Oh you're lucky you haven't heard Gwaine the whole night," she complained.

Merlin frowned. _Shit. Of course, she heard them. Not that he tried to be quiet. Shitshitshit._

"Uh, Gwaine's home?" he scratched his hair, Gwen nodded, "Oh…" _Well shit. He's fucked._

Making a quick breakfast, he wanted to return to his room, hoping Gwen wouldn't see Arthur, but as he was walking out of the kitchen, Gwaine's door opened.

"Good morning," he grinned at them, but neither of his friends answered him. "Is everything alright? You look tired." Gwen groaned.

"What's wrong with her?" Gwaine signed toward Merlin, who only shrugged.

"Maybe if you didn't have sex all night so we could actually sleep." Gwaine was confused, laughing nervously, "Hey, what are you talking about? I was alone tonight."

Gwen just shook her head, walking toward her room, "Seriously! It wasn't me!" Gwaine called after her, while Merlin stood there quietly.

"Whatever," Gwen said, slamming the door behind herself. "I didn't!" Gwaine signed, but Merlin avoided his look.

Suddenly the bathroom door opened and both men looked toward it as someone went to Merlin's room, closing the door behind them.

Merlin looked at Gwaine, trying to distract him, but it was too late. "Oh my god!" Gwaine shouted, "Is that..?!" he pointed toward the room.

Before Merlin could stop him, he ran into Merlin's room, kicking the door without even knocking. "Gwaine!" Merlin shouted, but Gwaine was faster.

When Merlin reached the room, he found Gwaine standing in between the door and Arthur next to the bed, in nothing, but a pillow hiding his man parts.

"What the hell Gwaine!?" he said, pushing him out of the door, but Gwaine was way too excited, "Hi! I'm Gwaine, you remember me?"

He introduced himself and tried to shake his hand with Arthur. Arthur still standing there naked, with pillow hiding his parts.

Hesitating for a while, he finally reached out and shook Gwaine's hand. "Arthur," he said quietly.

"Cool, nice to meet you… again," Gwaine grinned at him, looking at Merlin, "Well, if you need anything," he signed, "I will be in my room." And he was gone before Merlin could hit him.

The younger man closed the door behind him and groaned, falling in the bed. "Oh my god, I am so sorry," he murmured into the pillow.

Daring to look up at Arthur, he found the older man smiling. The pillow fell on the ground and he walked toward Merlin, lying in the bed next to him.

He cupped Merlin's face in his hands, his thumbs brushing over Merlin's cheekbones. Merlin opened his mouth to blurt out some more excuses, but Arthur silenced him with a kiss.

"Did he..?" Merlin pulled away from him so he could look at him, "did he see anything?" he was blushing and he knew it.

Arthur laughed, "Are you jealous?" he teased him, Merlin tried to look away, but Arthur moved his face back, so he had to look at him.

"You're cute when you're jealous." "You're my boyfriend now, of course, I am jealous." Merlin put his arms around Arthur.

"It's actually my job, you know," he said and kissed him. Arthur was looking at him, studying every single detail of his face.

"I love you," he signed finally and Merlin stared at him, trying to process it. "I love you too," he finally replied, smiling cheekily, pulling him into a kiss.

"Just for the record," Arthur said between the kisses, "he didn't see anything."

 

～☽✺☾～

 

Merlin was smiling. The whole morning. Arthur stayed at his flat for the whole weekend. They spent days lying in Merlin's bed, cuddling and kissing.

Sometimes Gwaine interrupted them, wanting to talk to them since he was the only one, who knew about them so far.

 

After school, their group met in the Italian place, where they usually went for lunch. Merlin arrived with Gwaine as the last ones and Arthur was already there, sitting next to Morgana.

Merlin greeted everyone, smiling at Arthur, who smiled back at him, Gwaine sending them looks, knowing what was going on.

They sat down to the table, so Merlin was sitting next to Gwen and Gwaine, Arthur over the table, in front of him, their knees touching.

"You're idiots," Gwaine signed, shaking his head. "Who?" Gwen frowned, looking at her friend. "What?" the man pretended to not know what she was talking about.

"What the hell Merlin," Morgana couldn't stand it anymore, "I am happy you are smiling and all, but what the hell?"

The younger man shifted nervously, wishing to disappear in his chair. "Nothing," he murmured, his face going red.

"Merlin tell us now! What happened that has you smiling like a lovesick fool!" Gwen demanded and Merlin froze.

Fortunately, Gwaine got his back, "He was on a date!" he announced and Merlin groaned, trying to disappear in his chair.

"What?" Gwen gasped, "but that's great!" she smiled at him. Suddenly Merlin noticed that Morgana leaned closer to Arthur. "I am sorry," she whispered, "I know you like him."

He couldn't help but chuckle as Arthur stared at her, wide eye. "Oh, uhm," he looked at Merlin, who was grinning at him, "it's okay… I guess."

Of course, his friends wouldn't leave it. "Who is he, Merlin? How was the date? Did you kiss? How long is it going on?"

Arthur's knees brushed Merlin's under the table. The younger man looked up at his boyfriend, who smiled at him fondly.

"We went to the cinema," he signed, everyone grinning but frowning a bit, "Wait, a cinema?" Gwen frowned.

"Yeah, but it was a mute movie," Merlin explained. "It was what?" the group asked, not knowing the sign 'mute movie'.

"It was a mute movie," Arthur translated, before realising what he did. Everyone looked at him. "How do you know that sign? Even Gwaine doesn't know it."

"Oh… uhm…" Arthur looked nervously at Merlin, who only smiled at him, nodding. _You can tell them._ The older man smiled, intertwining their legs under the table.

"It was my idea," he said in the end, "and we had fun, didn't we?" he asked, looking at Merlin, who was smiling at him.

It took only a few seconds before everyone got it.

"Oh my god!" Morgana shouted, "I can't believe this!" Merlin looked at Gwen who nodded at him, "I am happy you worked it out," she told him and Merlin smiled.

Once everyone got over the surprise, they changed the topic, which both Arthur and Merlin were glad for, sharing occasional smiles.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

On Friday the group hosted a small party at Morgana and Arthur's flat. Merlin didn't want to go there, but Arthur promised him, that they could always lock themselves in Arthur's room.

They were sitting on the couch. Gwaine, Gwen and Morgana decided to stay with Merlin for a while, chilling in Morgana's room, talking about school, while the real party was outside.

Merlin was lucky to have friends like them. Suddenly the door opened again and Arthur stuck his head inside, grinning widely when he noticed Merlin.

"Hi," he smiled at him, ignoring everyone else, as he fit himself between Merlin and Gwaine, sitting down.

As he sat, Merlin melted a little bit, feeling Arthur's warmth next to him. He was tense the whole evening, not feeling quite happy about being at the party.

Arthur took Merlin's hand intertwining their fingers, "You okay?" he asked and Merlin nodded, shifting a bit, so he could sit closer to Arthur, resting his head on his shoulder.

"I missed you," he murmured and Arthur picked up their connected hands, pressing a kiss on Merlin's knuckles. "I missed you too," he signed.

Merlin grinned, looking up at Arthur. "What?" the older man asked. Instead of answering Merlin leaned in and kissed his boyfriend, ignoring their friends.

When they pulled away from each other, he could feel everyone watching them. He nervously smiled as he put his head on Arthur's shoulder, Arthur's arm around his waist, keeping him close.

"You're so freaking cute," Morgana commented and everyone laughed.

"You still didn't tell us, how it happened," Gwen pointed out and Merlin felt the other man groan. "We talked," Arthur signed, so Merlin knew what he was saying without looking at him.

"Oh wow, how… mature," his sister teased him, "He tried," Merlin spoke up, "I mean his sign language was shit, but he tried."

"Awww," their friends grinned, "I can't believe you learned sign language just to woo him," Morgana joked, "He's worth it."

Merlin looked up at Arthur, who was already watching him. Their eyes met as they were smiling at each other.

Someone has probably been talking to Arthur, because the older man looked around, facing Gwaine. Merlin tightened his grip around him, to make it clear who's boyfriend Arthur was.

 

Soon the group parted, most of them leaving Morgana's room to go party, but Arthur stayed. Now they finally had the whole couch just for themselves.

"Can I ask one more thing?" Arthur signed and Merlin nodded, "Of course." "How do you… how can you know the rhythm of the music?" he asked nervously.

"What?" Merlin frowned, "On the party, when we met…" Merlin wasn't moving, "I saw you with your friends, and I am pretty sure you were dancing, to the rhythm…"

He looked up at Merlin, their eyes meeting, "How… did you know?" Merlin smiled, "Are you stalking me? Should I be worried?" he joked.

"No… actually yes," the older man calmed down, "Since I first saw you I couldn't také your eyes away from you." It was dark in the room, but Arthur didn't miss the blush that appeared on Merlin's cheeks.

"So, how?" Merlin shrugged, "Sometimes you can just feel it, you know?" he said and looked at Arthur.

"Sometimes the music is loud enough that you can feel the vibrations." Artur nodded, "So even though I can't hear it, I feel the vibrations… simple."

"Cool," Arthur chuckled, "do you feel a lot of vibrations?" he asked, taking Merlin's hand, playing with it.

"Yeah, I can, for example storms are horrible, or slamming doors…" Arthur froze, looking at Merlin. "Do I.. Wake you up in the mornings when I open and close the doors?"

The younger man smiled widely, nodding. "Shit, I am sorry!" Arthur signed, "You can feel it?" "You pretty much slam the door." "Why didn't you say anything?"

_If Merlin noticed that the following days, when Arthur stayed over at his, Arthur closed the door with more cautions, no one needed to know. (He still woke him up though)._

 

They were at the party for a few hours already and Merlin even agreed to go out of Morgana's room, clinging to Arthur, who was still by his side.

Arthur met some of his friends, talking to them, his arm still around Merlin's waist, keeping him close. He tried looking at him when he talked, but soon Merlin pulled away from him.

"Just talk to them, I will go find Gwaine," he said, forcing a smile. Arthur looked at him, not sure what to say.

"I will see you okay?" Merlin pecked Arthur on the cheek and turned around to go and see where Gwaine was, but Arthur caught his wrist and turned him around.

He pulled him back to himself and kissed him on the lips. "Just find me when you want to go, okay?" Merlin nodded.

Of course, he wanted to be with Arthur, but also he didn't want to keep him behind. He had so many friends to talk to and Merlin was only interrupting.

It wasn't easy, he knew, that Arthur tried to sign as much as he could because of Merlin, but he probably deserved some time without Merlin following him on every step.

Instead of looking for Gwaine Merlin headed to the kitchen to fetch some more beer. There he also found Gwaine, who was standing next to the fridge, talking to someone. Percival.

"Hi," he greeted them, walking back to the living room, sitting on the couch. Gwaine continued talking to Percy.

Merlin saw Morgana and Gwen dancing with other people in the middle of the room. Everyone was talking, laughing, dancing.

And there he sat. Merlin. In complete silence. He saw people moving. Dancing to non-existing music. The music he couldn't hear.

He tried to read the lips of his friends, but they were talking too fast, moving their heads, shaking hands.

That was the reason, why Merlin never went to parties. He had no fucking idea what was happening.

The amount of beer he drank made him a bit more emotional and suddenly he felt like crying.

Sometimes he really hated being deaf.

He just wanted to be like his friends.

Normal.

Hearing.

Merlin felt the tears falling down from his eyes. He just wanted to get out. He stood up and bumped into someone, but without looking up, he ran away from the flat.

 

He ran out of the house and headed home. He could text his friends and Arthur when he gets there. Not that they will notice that he is gone.

He was walking for a few seconds, the city sleeping peacefully when someone touched his shoulder.

Merlin screamed, turning around to see Arthur. "You prat!" he shouted, "Don't do that again!" he said, pushing into him as he continued walking.

"I am sorry," Arthur signed as he stood in front of Merlin, forcing him so to stop walking, "Are you okay?" Merlin looked away.

"What's wrong?" Arthur signed as he tried to wipe away Merlin's tears, but Merlin pulled away from him.

"What's wrong?" Merlin asked, maybe too loud, but he couldn't find himself to care, "I can't fucking hear you!" Arthur didn't say anything, frozen.

"I can't hear anything. I can't go on parties and have fun as you do and I hate it," Merlin knew he was shouting and tears were streaming down his face.

Arthur didn't say anything, pulling Merlin in a tight hug, kissing him in his hair. "I just want to be like you," Merlin whispered, "I want to hear." _Again._

Arthur pulled away from Merlin and dried his tears, his hands brushing Merlin's cheeks, "You know," he signed, "that I love you anyway, right?"

He looked into Merlin's eyes, "I love you, no matter what," he signed, before pulling him into another tight hug.

Merlin buried his face in Arthur's shoulder. "I love you too," he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me guys, it really sucks to be somewhere and understand like half of what people are saying :/ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	4. Take me with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur have their first fight, in the end there is another much bigger problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deaf people are not actually.... really deaf. We can feel things. For example, when I stand at the train station, I can feel the train coming. I can feel if there's a dog barking near me. If my brothers are running around the house, slamming the door. Being deaf doesn't mean that the world is boring, it just means that we look at it a different way.

**STAGE 4: APPREHENSION**

 

Two weeks later

 

For the few last days, Merlin noticed that Arthur was spending more time with him, but giving Merlin more space than usually at the same time.

He also noticed Arthur talking to Gwaine a few times. He wondered why, but neither of the man ever mentioned, so he let it be.

It was just another day. Also, it was a day, when Gwaine walked into his room, asking Merlin, how he was and if they could go and play TEKKEN or something.

Gwaine still hasn't mentioned anything about the party, but Merlin was sure it was only a matter of time before Gwaine brought it up. Arthur must have told him. He did.

Both men sat down on the floor and Gwaine turned on the TV, putting the game on. The whole time Merlin watched him silently, thinking about Arthur.

"So…" Gwaine pushed into him, to get his attention, "Arthur told me what happened at the party…" Merlin sighed, looking away, looking down at Gwaine's hands.

"I'm really sorry man," Gwaine signed, "it was bitchy from us." "It's okay," Merlin answered quietly, "it was just a bad moment and way too much beer, but Arthur helped me out."

Gwaine nodded, "So, how is it going with Arthur?" he signed and Merlin smiled. Things with Arthur were good. Really good.

They were spending a lot of time together, Arthur's sign language was getting better and they had a lot of fun with that.

But there was this one thing, that Merlin was still more sad about than angry.

"Good," he signed and smiled. Tried to smile.

At that moment Arthur entered the room. "Hi!" he greeted Gwaine, smiling at Merlin, kissing him on the cheek, "I will be going now," he signed.

Arthur kissed him softly, smiling, "But if you want me, I can still call it off… stay here with you if you prefer…" The younger man shook his head.

"No, it's alright, you go and have fun, alright?" Merlin smiled at his boyfriend, "I will," Arthur nodded, "You too guys," with that he left the room.

Gwaine looked at Merlin knowingly. _Yes. This is what makes Merlin sad._

"He's just going on a festival with his friends," Merlin said, not looking at Gwaine. "And you're not coming with them?" Gwaine signed/asked, "We can play another time."

Merlin just shook his head, looking down at his hands. Gwaine touched his shoulder carefully, to get his attention.

"Why didn't you go with him?" Merlin sighed, "He doesn't want me there…" he whispered. Gwaine pushed into his shoulder, "What are you talking about?" he signed.

"He can't stop kissing you and isn't away from you for longer than two days!" Merlin looked down at the floor, "Then why doesn't he ever ask me to go with him?"

"Fuck!" Gwaine swore as he signed. He knew how it felt to Merlin. He didn't like, when people were trying to make him feel normal, or just not asking him things, because he was deaf.

He figured out that Arthur didn't ask Merlin either. To go with him, because of the same thing. And Merlin didn't také it well.

"I think," Gwaine signed after a while, "that you should talk to him. He should know, maybe he doesn't realize it… but he's not all those other people. He needs to know…"

Merlin nodded, "Can we play?" he asked, trying to change the topic and Gwaine understood, accepting it.

"Oh, are you sure to get your ass beaten?" Gwaine laughed and they didn't talk about Arthur for the rest of the evening.

It was around midnight when Gwaine left to his room to actually get some sleep. Merlin also went in the bed, but couldn't fall asleep.

Gwaine was right. Merlin had to talk to Arthur.

 

Merlin was still awake when Arthur returned later that night. He didn't greet him, lying in the bed, pretending to be asleep.

But pretending and lying weren't his strong sides. He knew that Arthur knew that as well, but the older man only put off his clothes and in only his boxers lied next to him.

Merlin really liked sleeping with Arthur on his side. Feeling his warm body next to his. Arthur put his hand over Merlin and kissed him on the nape of his neck.

Merlin shivered, Arthur continued brushing Merlin's arm but didn't say anything. Merlin fell asleep soon.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

When he woke up, Arthur wasn't lying there anymore. Merlin put on a shirt and headed to the kitchen. Arthur was sitting there, with a coffee in his hands.

Smiling at Merlin, he leaned for his morning kiss, but the younger man bolted, "Morning," he murmured, walking to the fridge.

"Hey," Arthur reached for him, "What's wrong?" he asked after he didn't get his morning kiss and Merlin seemed to be avoiding him.

Merlin sat down on the opposite side of the table, clutching his cup of tea. Arthur froze. Something was wrong.

Merlin didn't sit next to him, he didn't give him his morning kiss… yesterday he pretended to be asleep… Is he breaking up with him?

He didn't say anything, waiting for Merlin to say something, but the other man seemed to be scared as well. It was probably going to be their first fight.

In the end, Arthur couldn't stand it anymore. "Please don't break up with me!" he begged. He literally begged, being surprised by himself.

"It's-" Merlin frowned, "I am not… breaking up with you," he told him nervously and there was another silence.

"Is it… is it because I went to the festival, then?" he asked, "You could have just asked me and I would have stayed here, with you." Merlin shook his head.

"That's not how it works," he said and looked up at Arthur. _Now or never._ He looked straight in Arthur's eyes.

"Why did you never ask me to go with you?" Merlin asked, still keeping the eye contact. Arthur blinked, "I uh…" he didn't know what to say.

"I didn't think…" Arthur was nervous, "I didn't know if you wan-" "You didn't know if I wanted?" Merlin interrupted him as he was getting angry.

"Why shouldn't I?" he shouted, "Maybe because I am deaf? Right?!" he stood up from the table, "And here I thought that you accepted me as I am."

He was crying, but he didn't care. Gwaine entered the apartment, seeing the man arguing, standing on the opposite sides of the table, he walked quietly to his room, closing behind himself.

"Merlin…" Arthur started, but Merlin didn't let him speak, "I thought you knew me well enough to at least ask," he shouted and left to his room, slamming the door behind himself.

Arthur was almost crying, he stood up from the table and slowly went to Merlin's room. He hesitated before opening the door.

But he had to do that. He opened the door, walking inside. Merlin was lying in the bed, quietly crying into the pillow.

Arthur watched him for a while, unsure of what to do. His beautiful man and he hurt him. He was ashamed of himself.

Of course, he knew that Merlin hated when people tried to protect him. He just loved him. He loves him so much.

Finally, he lied next to him on the bed but didn't touch him. Giving him some space, but close enough to let him know he was there for him.

After a few minutes, Merlin finally calmed down, stopped crying, just quietly sniffling. At that point Arthur dragged him closer to himself and turned him around, to see his face.

Merlin didn't look at him but buried his head in Arthur's chest. The older man put his arms around him and kissed him in Merlin's hair, slowly stroking his hair.

They have been lying like this for a while when Merlin finally looked up at Arthur. The older man kissed him on his forehead.

Merlin opened his mouth to say something, but Arthur spoke up before Merlin could. "I am sorry," he said, stroking his cheek slowly, "You were right."

He was looking straight into his eyes, "I didn't know what to do and I just didn't want to hurt you or upset you, but now I see I managed to do right so…"

"But I was wrong Merlin, and I didn't mean to hurt you, you know that. And of course, I would love you to join me someday."

"You don't have to do that," Merlin shook his head, "You don't have to do that," he said quietly, "But I want to," Arthur assured him.

"I want to," he brushed Merlin's cheek, "to také my boyfriend out and have some fun with him because I love you, Merlin. I love you so much, okay?"

Arthur slowly leaned in, giving Merlin time to pull away, but the man didn't and so Arthur closed the space between them, kissing him.

To his relief, Merlin kissed him back. "I don't want to fight," Merlin whispered, "Me neither," Arthur signed and kissed him.

"I love you, Merlin," he signed once they pulled away, "I love you, Merlin, alright? Don't ever forget that, I love you so much, I couldn't bear losing you. Please, Merlin, don't…"

"I won't," the younger man promised, brushing Arthur's cheek, "I love you too, I am sorry I didn't want to lash out like that."

"It's okay, it was my fault, I am sorry," Arthur shushed him, kissing him softly, "I am sorry," he repeated, "I am so sorry."

It took them another ten minutes before they went back to the kitchen to get some breakfast.

Gwaine sitting there, eating, froze a bit when they walked out of the room and watched them nervously.

To his shock Arthur sat down to the table, smiling and when Merlin returned from the kitchen, he put the plate in front of Arthur and sat on his lap.

Arthur pulled his arms protectively around Merlin and Gwaine was watching them with a frown. The man saw his face and smiled at him as if nothing happened.

"So…" Gwaine signed, speaking at the same time, "you two are good now?" Merlin just smiled at him, leaning closer to Arthur.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

A week later Merlin was sitting at the table, working on his papers, when someone from behind hugged him and kissed him on the neck. Arthur.

Merlin turned around and saw Arthur holding two papers. Tickets. "Guess who's going on festival tonight?" Arthur seemed to be even more excited than Merlin at that time.

Merlin grinned, "Are you serious?" he asked and when Arthur nodded, Merlin pulled him in a tight hug.

"You better get ready," Arthur signed, looking at his watch. "What?" Merlin frowned, "Now? Tonight?" "Yes," Arthur smiled at him, "Come on."

 

It was a big festival. Merlin didn't remember the last time he has ever seen so many people in one place. He was kind of nervous.

Freaking out actually. But Arthur was there, holding his hand. Merlin was probably clutching to it way too hard because smiled at him, "It's okay," he told him.

"It's just… so many people here," Merlin said nervously. "And I am here with you," Arthur gave Merlin's hand a light squeeze, "I will protect you, no matter what."

Finally, Merlin smiled at him, calming down a bit, "Always the knight in shinning armour." The older man looked at him fondly, "Only for you," he teased him, pecking him on the lips.

Holding hands they walked closer to the stage. Merlin could feel the music getting stronger. Louder. His ears were pounding. He looked at Arthur and wondered how could he was still smiling, while the music was literally blasting.

As Arthur promised, he never let go of Merlin's hand. Accepting Merlin's decision not to dance, Arthur stood next to him, his body moving in the rhythm.

He looked at his boyfriend and grinned, dancing into the beat. Merlin only rolled his eyes at him but smiled nonetheless.

"Come on," Arthur mouthed at him, reaching for Merlin's second hand, pulling him closer. The younger boy didn't complain and soon started slightly moving into the rhythm as well.

"See?" Arthur grinned at him, "You're dancing!" he teased him and Merlin stopped moving, blue eyes looking at the older boy.

"No, I am not," he said, but Arthur could see the smile playing on Merlin's lips. Without a warning he pushed himself forward Merlin, cupping his face as he pulled him into a daring kiss.

Merlin's arms sneaked around Arthur's neck, keeping him close. All of sudden a bright lights burst out of the stage, everyone around them cheering.

The younger man jerked away from Arthur, looking around, disoriented, to see what was happening. Arthur carefully put his hand on Merlin's cheek, brushing him slowly, to calm him, to make sure he knew everything was alright.

When Merlin looked back at him he chuckled nervously, "Sorry," he shouted in Arthur's ear, so he would hear him over the loud music. "It's okay," Arthur smiled at him, pulling him in another kiss.

Eventually, the dark-haired boy relaxed enough to dance by Arthur's side, smiling in all directions, music thumping in his ears, Arthur next to him. Merlin tried, but couldn't remember the last time he had so much fun.

He turned around to look at his boyfriend. The blond was dancing next to him, smiling as he was looking up at the stage, singing together with the rest of the crowd.

Arthur must have sensed Merlin's gaze on him because he looked away from the stage straight at Merlin and smiled. _Are you okay?_ His eyes asked and Merlin nodded, _I am._

 

After a few minutes of dancing, Arthur, feeling thirsty from all the dancing, took Merlin's hand and dragged him through the crowd toward the bar.

"What is it going to be?" The barman asked and Arthur looked over at Merlin, who shrugged. "Just water," he signed uncertainly, "My head is spinning a bit," he told him and the older man nodded, "Water and a beer," he told the barman, who quickly returned with their drinks.

They leaned against the bar and drank their drinks in silence, "It's a bit quieter here, isn't it?" Merlin asked and Arthur nodded.

"What does it actually feel like?" He asked, "To not hear the music but… feel it?" Merlin chuckled, "It's- it seems normal to me," he smiled, "I may not be able to hear it, but my ears, my head…"

"It feels like it should explode any minute now," Merlin chuckled quietly, "It's just this constant pounding… like if you were standing next to a huge hammer."

Arthur laughed, looking at Merlin fondly, "But are you having fun?" he asked insecurely. Merlin nodded, "I am, thank you for thanking me with you," he leaned closer to Arthur.

"Anytime," the blond smiled at him, putting the beer down, his arm sneaking protectively around Merlin's waist, pulling him even closer.

"I am glad you're having fun." "With you?" Merlin frowned, "No, never," he teased him, their faces centimetres away from each other.

"Ouch, I am hurt," Arthur smiled, "I should go then…" he quickly pulled away from the younger man, challenging him to make the next step. Which he did.

Merlin's long fingers curled into Arthur's hair, dragging him back into Merlin's personal space, "Nuh-uh," he shook his head, "You're not going anywhere, you're stuck with me now," he said, his eyes widening.

Arthur looked at the man standing in front of him. How beautiful he was. "I love you," he blurted out before he could think about it and Merlin's face softened.

"I love you too, you prat," he chuckled, pulling him in a kiss.

"I like seeing you like this. Happy… and free," Arthur confessed quietly, brushing Merlin's cheek. "It's you what makes me happy," Merlin leaned in the touch, blushing as he answered.

 

"I need to use the loo," Merlin announced a few minutes later, "You wait here, I'll be right back." Arthur nodded but didn't let go of him, not until he pecked Merlin on the lips.

"I'll be back," Merlin chuckled, forcing himself from the older man, "I really need to pee." "Fine," Arthur pouted, but let go of him.

Merlin walked out of the toilet boot and headed toward the sinks to wash his hands. Someone behind him slammed the door and Merlin looked up the mirror, looking at the man.

Their eyes met in the reflection and the man frowned slightly. Merlin quickly looked back down, turning off the water, shaking his hand to dry his hands, when the man touched his shoulder and turned him around.

Merlin gasped, quickly pulling away from him, "I was talking to you!" The man raged, "Are you deaf as you are stupid?" Merlin shook his head. _Yes and no._

He headed toward the door, but the man caught his arm. "Nuh-uh boy, where do you think you're going?" He snarled and Merlin frowned, "Let me go," he whined.

"Oh come on, let's just have some fun, don't you want?" "No. Not really," Merlin tried to get out of the grip, but the man was stronger.

"Let me go!" Merlin raised his voice, even though no one could probably hear him. Arthur was too far. Arthur couldn't help him.

"Come on boy, it's going to be just a quick fun," the man growled, pushing Merlin toward one of the boots. "No!" Merlin screamed, kicking around. The man groaned in pain and Merlin used the chance to run away from the bathroom.

He didn't get far, though. The man followed him out of the bathroom and Merlin gasped, looking up, meeting Arthur's eyes from over the room. The blond man stood up quickly, running to them.

"Leave me alone," Merlin frowned, pushing the man away. Before the stranger could say anything, Arthur was there, punching him into the jaw.

"You fucker!" he shouted, "He told you to stay the fuck away." He turned around and Merlin saw the anger in his eyes. "Are you alright?" his face softened immediately, looking at Merlin.

"Merlin?" He signed, trying to get his attention, "Did he hurt you?" The dark haired man shook his head, quickly wiping his eyes, "No, he didn't." "Oh gods," Arthur murmured, hugging Merlin tightly.

"I am so sorry," he signed once they pulled away, but Merlin shook his head again, "Can we just get out?" he begged quietly and Arthur nodded, taking his hand, both of them headed out of there.

 

Arthur was furious. Merlin. Poor, young, innocent Merlin. He was going to kill the man if he had to. But then he saw Merlin's expression and he immediately knew he needed to get him out of there.

They walked only a few steps away from the man when he spoke up. "Right, just walk away with him you faggot!" he shouted and Arthur froze.

Merlin looked at him, trying to figure out what happened, but by the time he did, it was too late. Arthur turned around facing the man once again, "What did you say?"

"You heard me, _faggot,_ just go and také that stupid bitch with you!" Arthur felt Merlin clutching his hand, pulling him toward the exit, but he couldn't move.

"You have no right to speak like that!" Arthur raged, letting go of Merlin's hand, walking toward the man, "Oh right? What will you do? Fuck me, huh?" The man teased.

Before Arthur could think twice about it, his hand hit the man's face once again. And again. And again. He couldn't stop.

No one was going to talk about Merlin like that. About his precious Merlin, who would have never hurt a fly.

Soon he felt people dragging him away from the man. He fights them as well, trying to get back to the man, to hit him some more, to defend his boyfriend.

Someone touched his shoulder carefully, but before Arthur could think about it, he kicked out, hitting the person in the stomach. _Merlin._

Arthur gasped, looking around. Meeting the blue eyes, that were red from crying. Merlin had his arms curled around his waist, staring up at Arthur in shock.

"Merlin," he whispered, reaching his hands toward him, but the younger boy didn't wait for what he had to say, he simply turned around and ran. Ran away from Arthur.

He wanted to follow him, but of course, it had to be at that moment, when the man stood up again and hit him.

Arthur fell on the ground, gasping for air. There wasn't enough of it. _Merlin, I am sorry Merlin,_ Arthur thought right before everything went black.

_Merlin, I am so sorry._

Merlin ran home. His stomach hurt, but it was still better than to be there. Than to watch Arthur fighting the man.

The only thing Merlin wanted right now, was to disappear. To be alone. He ran until he was safe back at his flat.

As he was walking up the stairs, his phone vibrated. Merlin knew it was probably Arthur, but he looked at it anyway.

**< Arthur>**

_I am so sorry Merlin. For everything. I wanted to take you out and have an amazing evening with you and I am so sorry for fucking it up. You are an amazing person and I understand if this is too much for you. I am sorry for hurting you, maybe they were right. Maybe I am not good for you. Maybe you will be better off without me. I am sorry, I love you. Arthur._

 

Merlin's heart was pounding crazy. With everything already going on, this was the cherry. With a slam, he closed the door behind himself running to his room.

It didn't také his friends long and soon the door to his room opened, Gwaine carefully sitting on the bed next to him.

"Merlin, hey, buddy," the man said quietly, turning on the lamp, so he could see him. Only then the dark-haired boy looked up, tears in his eyes.

"What happened?" Gwaine signed, worried. Merlin shook his head, hiding his face in his hands. Gwaine sat closer to him and hugged him tightly.

Merlin hugged him back, trying to push the tears away, but the grieve was stronger and he started sobbing uncontrollably in Gwaine's shirt.

"I think he broke up with me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! I wanted to post this earlier, but there's a bit cliffhanger on the end and I didn't want you to wait too long for the continuation, so here I am :) Let me know, what you thought of this chapter and if you have any questions, no matter how silly they seem, ask! :)


	5. I don't care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur are both hurting, Arthur has a piano concert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! I am so happy! I was accepted to one of the universities I applied to! Uff I'm so done :D  
> Anyway, I promised you another chapter, so here we go :)

**STAGE 5: ACCEPTANCE**

 

"I think he broke up with me," Merlin sobbed into Gwaine's shirt. The older man froze under him but quickly started brushing his back.

Once Merlin calmed down a bit, Gwaine pulled away from him, so he could face him. At that moment Gwen joined them, sitting next Gwaine, looking at Merlin, shocked by how the evening turned out.

Merlin looked down, where his phone vibrated again. It was another message from Arthur.

**< Arthur>**

_[voice message]_

_Wh_ _at the fuck Arthur?!_

_I am sorry._

_I really am Merlin._

 

"What happened?" Gwen asked, when Merlin sniffled, throwing the phone over the room. Merlin looked up and Gwaine signed the question again.

"I uhm…" Merlin was breathing shakily, bursting in tears again. "Oh," Gwen sighed, sitting next to Merlin, brushing his back, giving him time.

It took another few minutes before the man calmed down enough to be able to tell them what happened and he told them everything.

The good things as was the festival and the dancing and then the things about the man following him from the toilet and Arthur getting in a fight. Arthur hurting Merlin, even though unintentionally, Merlin running away. The texts Arthur sent him…

Both his friends listened to him patiently, occasionally hugging him, offering him napkins or brushing his back.

Merlin didn't want to be alone that night and that's how the trio found themselves in Gwen's room, as she was the only one with the double bed.

All of them lied next to each other and soon fell asleep.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

They had school the next day and Merlin made sure to avoid all the places he knew Arthur was going to be near. And his friends as well.

Gwen knew that it made no sense to try and talk to Merlin, while he was in his mood, so she left him alone. That didn't apply to Gwaine.

Merlin's friend followed him everywhere. He didn't talk to Merlin, he didn't pay attention to him, he was simply there if Merlin could need him.

He should have probably find it annoying, but instead, he was glad. He was glad for Gwaine, that he was such a good friend, not leaving him alone.

Merlin was pretty sure, that if Arthur somehow showed up and tried to talk to Merlin, Gwaine would not-so-kindly tell him to fuck off and leave Merlin alone.

 

But when it was the lunchtime, Merlin told Gwaine to go and join their friends. Merlin could have been alone for a while.

His friend was ready to argue, but one look at Merlin and he knew better than to say anything and with a small smile, he joined Gwen, Lancelot and Leon standing outside of the school, leaning against the railing.

Merlin was ready to leave, to go sit to the small park next to the school and eat his lunch in peace when he saw Morgana running to his friends with a furious face.

He frowned, turning back to his friends, watching them. Morgana leaned against the railing and greeted them, shaking her head.

"What happened?" Gwen asked. "Arthur's in hospital," Morgana said and Merlin gasped. Arthur? In hospital? But… that's-

"Where's Merlin?" Morgana continued. Both Gwen and Gwaine frowned, "Don't you know?" Gwaine said and Merlin felt himself shaking.

"Don't know what?" Morgana raised her eyebrows. "Merlin and…" Gwen started, but Gwaine interrupted her, "Arthur broke up with Merlin."

Merlin saw Morgana gasp, looking at Gwen, "That fucker!" she shouted, "Why would he do that?" Gwen shifted nervously, looking back at Morgana.

Gwaine crossed his arms, looking at the women, "I have an idea," he said, frowning, "Merlin showed me the text messages and Arthur wrote ' _Maybe they were right. Maybe I am not good enough for you._ '"

"I have a feeling that you two know something about that," he accused them." Merlin frowned, not sure what was happening, "Don't you?"

Both women shifted nervously, looking at each other, in the end, Gwen sighed, "I had to, we had to, you know Arthur, you know who he is."

"Gwaine," Morgana spoke up, "you know that my brother was a fuck boy, not really picky when it came to his hook-ups, I just simply didn't want Merlin to be just another toy of his."

Gwaine was still frowning at them, sending them death stares, "I get it, you wanted to protect Merlin, but telling Arthur he wasn't good enough for him?"

"Are you crazy? They were so happy for you and now it's ruined because you couldn't let them be happy?!" he raised his voice at them, both women not able to meet his gaze.

"I knew you were petty Morgana, I just never realized how much!" with that the man turned to Gwen, "And you! Merlin is your friend, for how many years? You need to learn how to trust him!"

"You better hope that Merlin won't find out about this and you should talk to Arthur. Make this right!" He threatened them, turning around.

His eyes met Merlin's and he gaped, "Shit," he murmured, quickly walking over to him, but Merlin started running away.

 

He reached the park when Gwaine finally caught up with him. He tried to reach for him, but Merlin shrugged his hand off as he continued walking.

A few more minutes passed in silence when Merlin finally looked at Gwaine, who sighed, "I am sorry," he signed, "I didn't know."

"Me neither," Merlin signed slowly, "I guess I should talk to him, right?" Gwaine shrugged, raising his hands once again, "That's up to you. But I think you should, you two were happy."

"Yes, we were," Merlin sighed, sitting down on the grass, Gwaine sitting next to him. "I can't believe it…" Merlin shook his head, "Why would Gwen say anything like that?"

"I don't know," Gwaine signed, "but there's still time to fix this." Merlin frowned, looking around the park, then back at Gwaine, "You think I should go and see him," he consented.

His friend nodded, "I do, Merlin, come on, he's in the hospital and he broke up with you because his sister is an idiot… he's as heartbroken as you are."

"You know what?" Gwaine started moving his hands again, "I will deal with Gwen and Morgana and you go and talk to Arthur, alright?" Merlin watched him for a few seconds before agreeing.

"Good boy," Gwaine brushed his hair, "let me know how it went, okay?" "Okay," Merlin smiled at him, standing up, "See you later Gwaine, and thanks!"

"Good luck Merlin," the man smiled after him.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

After school Merlin headed to the hospital. Gwaine who probably already talked to the women sent him an address.

It was only when Merlin was standing in front of Arthur's room when he realized how truly nervous he was. Maybe Arthur meant it? Maybe he wanted to break up with him nonetheless?

With a nervous breathing and shaking hands he opened the door and entered the small hospital room. Arthur was lying on the white bed, sleeping.

Merlin watched him for a few seconds, looking at the bruises on Arthur's face, his chest rising and lowering as he was breathing slowly.

Suddenly it was too much for Merlin, his eyes watered again and he stumbled forward Arthur, sitting on the bed next to him carefully, the older man still sleeping deeply.

The distance between them was too big and Merlin felt so tired. Without further thinking, he kicked his shoes off and lied on the bed next to Arthur.

He snuggled next to the older man and carefully intertwined their fingers as he dozed off, feeling the familiar warmth next to him.

 

When he woke up again, he was still lying on the white bed, Arthur's warm body next to him, their hands still intertwined.

Probably somewhere during their sleep Arthur put his arm around Merlin and pulled him closer to himself. His other hand was now brushing Merlin's hair slowly.

Merlin slowly remembered what he was doing there and unconsciously tightened his hold on Arthur. He couldn't face him, not yet.

"Please don't break up with me," he blurted out, tears falling from his eyes again. Arthur's hand stopped brushing Merlin's hair.

The older man pulled away from Merlin, putting his hands on Merlin's cheeks, forcing him to look at him. He wiped away Merlin's tears with his thumbs.

"I kn- I know what Morgana and Gwen told you but I don't care, okay?" Merlin babbled on, "I want to be with you and I don't care what others think."

Arthur smiled at him weekly, "I am sorry Merlin," he whispered, "for everything. For ruining our night."

Merlin shook his head, "It's okay, just- let's never talk about it again?" he chuckled nervously, more tears falling from his eyes.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Arthur chuckled as well, "okay, yeah, please." With that, he leaned forward and pulled Merlin into a careful kiss.

Merlin smiled in it, climbing on top of Arthur, pressing small kisses all over his face, his hands roaming over Arthur's body.

Suddenly the older man winced, pulling away from Merlin. "What?" he breathed out, eyes wide open, "Did I hurt you?" he gasped, Arthur shaking his head.

"No, it's okay, it's just a few bruises," he told him, reaching for his hand, intertwining their fingers, "I am fine. You're here, that's all I need."

Merlin rolled his eyes fondly, "Since when are you such a sap?" he teased, pecking Arthur on the lips.

Arthur was watching him with his big blue eyes and Merlin started blushing, "What?" he squeaked nervously, "Nothing," Arthur smiled, brushing away the hair out of Merlin's forehead.

"I just love you so much," Arthur confessed quietly, brushing Merlin's cheek carefully. The younger man leaned in the touch.

"Then don't you ever do this to me again, okay?" Merlin whispered back, "I don't think I am ready to let you go just yet."

There was a silence for a few seconds, the man looking at each other, memorising the lines of each other faces.

"I love you too," Merlin said in the end.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

Three weeks later Arthur was already back home, his bruises healing slowly. Both men, Arthur and Merlin, talked to Gwen and Morgana, who excused to them repeatedly, but life went on. Soon they forgot about the whole unsuccessful evening and moved on.

 

"I have a concert," Arthur announced one day when their group was sitting in the park, eating their lunches, "and I would like to invite you."

Merlin looked up at his boyfriend, who smiled at him. "Will you come?" he signed and Merlin shrugged, even though he already knew he was coming.

"Please?" Arthur teased him, leaning closer to him to kiss him on the forehead, "I really really want to see you there."

The younger man shrugged again, "I don't know, I will have to think about it…" he grinned at Arthur innocently, "Or you know… you could always change my mind," he challenged.

"Challenge accepted," Arthur grinned, moving over so he was straddling Merlin's lap, "Like that?" he asked seductively and the younger man started blushing uncontrollably.

"Yeah I am sure this is working," Gwaine sitting next to them rolled his eyes, but Merlin didn't hear him and Arthur most probably decided to ignore him, kissing his boyfriend.

When they finally parted away, both of them breathing hard, "Did that change your mind?" Arthur asked. Merlin grinned, "Yeah, I think so… but maybe I need a little bit more of persuading?" he teased.

And who was Arthur to deny him? Without hesitation he surged forward once again, pressing his lips against Merlin's, pinning him down to the grass.

Gwaine was watching them with a satisfied smile, "They will be fine," he told Morgana and Gwen, reminding them of their suspicions and worries about Arthur.

Both women groaned, "We said sorry already!" Gwen sighed, "Okay? I am sorry, I really am, can we move on?!" Gwaine shrugged, "Just saying."

"Hey Arthur!" he called, hitting him in the arm, until the blond parted from his boyfriend, "What Gwaine?" he growled, falling in the grass, lying next to Merlin.

"Can I bring Percy?" Gwaine asked and Arthur shot him a stare, "Seriously? Invite whoever you want, can I now go and snog my boyfriend?"

Gwaine chuckled, "You two are way too sickeningly in love," he teased, standing up, "O

kay guys, I am going to find Percy, see you soon."

 

～☽✺☾～

 

"You okay there?" Morgana asked Arthur as the man was pacing around the room. His piano concert was due to start any minute now.

"I am nervous, what do you think?!" Arthur groaned, fidgeting with his hands.

"Oh gods, why? You practise almost every day, what could go wrong?" His sister frowned, shaking her head, "Seriously Arthur…"

"Yeah but this time Merlin's here!" Arthur argued as if it was an obvious answer.

"So?" Morgana frowned, "I don't get what he has to do with anything… he's here just to support you if you fuck up, it's not like he will hear it…"

Arthur shot her stare, but the woman only shrugged, "What? It's true, he said so himself." Arthur sighed, "Fine, fine, whatever… let's go," he told her and they headed toward the stage.

"Good luck," Morgana wished him, and taking one last deep breath, Arthur stepped onto the stage. Without looking at the publikum, he sat down to the piano and stretched his fingers, closing his eyes.

Morgana was right, he had played this so many times before, that he could do it with his eyes closed.

The second his fingers touched the keys a calm melody started playing.

 

Merlin watched Arthur walking on the stage. He didn't look at them, focusing entirely at the piano in front of him.

He smiled, clapping as everyone around him did. Once everybody stopped, Merlin saw Arthur taking a deep breath and soon his fingers touched the keys and-

And nothing.

Merlin watched Arthur sitting in front of the piano, his fingers dancing over the piano keys and that was it.

No sound.

But he didn't mind. He always loved watching Arthur practise. How focused he was. Diving wholeheartedly into the music.

As if he and the piano were one. His face would relax, all his problems were forgotten. Merlin loved, how innocent and pure Arthur seemed, while he played.

No matter what he was playing, Merlin was sure that it was beautiful. He looked around himself, watching the people smile and listen to the piano and he was proven right.

Before he knew it, everyone around him started clapping again, some people even standing up. Arthur stood up from the piano, smiling down at them.

His eyes met Merlin's and Arthur send him a smile, one, that was only for Merlin. "I love you," Merlin signed, enjoying the blush that appeared on Arthur's face before he quickly left the stage.

 

Morgana was the first one to run to him, hugging him tightly. Everyone else waited in the hall, where the banquet was holding a place, waiting for Arthur patiently.

Few strangers walked to the blond man and congratulated him, Arthur thanking them with a light smile, one by one.

When he finally reached them, a few minutes later, Gwen rushed forward, hugging him, "It was beautiful," she said, smiling, "Thanks."

Everyone else from their group walked to Arthur as well, hugging him, shaking his hand, saying their congratulations, and then, finally, Arthur was standing in front of Merlin.

Arthur's face softened immediately, "Hi," he murmured as he walked toward him unsurely, "Hello yourself," Merlin grinned, pulling him in a tight hug.

"You did well," he whispered in the blonde's ear, "or at least I am sure you did, the people seemed to enjoy it… so I think I can say it was a success even though I didn't hear it," he tried to joke.

Arthur rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to say something, but Merlin interrupted him, kissing him.

"It's alright," he said, once they pulled away from each other, "I enjoyed it anyway and that's what matters okay?" Arthur nodded, looking around the hall with a slight frown.

"What is it?" Merlin asked, when Arthur looked back at him, "I have an idea," he smiled at him, taking his hand.

"Excuse us," he walked through the crowd, dragging Merlin behind himself. "Where are we going?" Merlin called, confused.

Arthur turned around, so Merlin could see his face, "You'll see," he said teasingly.

Soon they reached the door that leads to the stage. Arthur opened it and motioned to Merlin to go inside.

"What? No we can't!" the younger man argued, but Arthur ignored him. Instead, he grinned, "Get in," he pushed him inside and closed the door behind them.

"It will be alright, trust me," he signed. "Trust you?" Merlin scoffed, "No, I don't think s-" Arthur silenced him with a kiss, pushing him back until he got Merlin pressed against the piano.

He smiled in the kiss, something about having Merlin pressed against _his_ piano was incredibly hot.

Arthur's hands reached under Merlin's shirt, touching the warm skin, tightening his arms around his waist, to get him closer. Merlin moaned in the touch, kissing Arthur again and again.

When they finally parted, a few minutes later, both of them breathing hard, smiles on their faces, Merlin pressed his forehead against Arthur's.

"Not that I am complaining," he whispered, "but did you really také me here for an incredibly hot make-out session?" he teased and Arthur scoffed.

"Maybe?" he grinned at him, pressing another kiss on Merlin's lips, "Come on, I want to play for you… the way you can… feel it."

Merlin frowned, "What do you mean?" he asked quietly. Arthur backed him against the piano once again and before Merlin knew what was happening, Arthur lifted him up, seating him up on the piano.

"What are you doing?" Merlin squeaked. "Just trust me," Arthur signed, sitting to the piano, looking up at his boyfriend, "Do you trust me?"

Merlin nodded.

Arthur smiled at him and started playing, Merlin watched him for a few seconds, not quite sure, what Arthur was trying to prove, but then… then he felt it.

With a shock in his eyes, he looked down, where he was sitting on the piano, his hand pressing against it. He could feel the piano. He could feel the melody.

He chuckled, smiling at Arthur, who smiled back at him. Slowly he lied on his stomach as Arthur continued playing and he enjoying the light vibrations.

"I was right," Merlin whispered, "I like it… it's so… tender." Arthur nodded, "It is." Merlin put his head back on the piano, smiling.

 

"No one ever played for me like this before," he confessed quietly, few songs later. Arthur looked up at him and smiled, "I am glad I get to be the first one," he grinned and Merlin chuckled.

"You are such a sap," he said fondly as he moved a bit closer to Arthur, so their faces were only a centimetres away from each other.

Arthur closed the distance between them, taking Merlin's face between his hands, kissing him deeply, "I do it because I love you," he signed, when they pulled away.

"I love you too. Thank you," Merlin smiled, blushing.

 

Neither of the men noticed their friends, who entered the room, watching them.

"I am so happy for them," Morgana smiled, "I never believed that I would see Arthur so happy." Gwen nodded, "Me neither. It's a good thing they have each other."

Gwaine took a few pictures of them on his phone and shrugged when the rest of the group send him stares, "What? They will thank me for that one day!"

"Sure they will," Gwen rolled her eyes, pushing everyone out of the room, "Come on guys, let's give them some space."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Also!! This is the last chapter with 'deaf' Merlin, guess who's getting Cochlear Implant in the next chapter?


	6. Below the surface of sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is getting a Cochlear Implant. Arthur is dealing with a problem; What if?  
> What if what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a few changes and every chapter is some milestone of being deaf (those first five are going to repeat again in chapters 6-11)

**STAGE 6: ADJUDICATION**

 

Merlin and Arthur started talking about things and in the end, they decided to give it one more chance.

By now Arthur was literally living in Merlin's apartment. The men spending most of their time together.

When were Gwen with Gwaine watching a movie, Merlin was sitting next to Arthur, or more like on Arthur, who had his arms curled around him.

And when they weren't hanging at Merlin's apartment, they usually slept over at Arthur and Morgana's flat. Merlin was surprised, how happy she was for them.

Few weeks later Merlin also introduced Arthur to his mother and Arthur finally told his father, who invited them all on dinner.

That went better than Arthur expected.

Things were good.

 

Arthur was really trying to be a good boyfriend to Merlin, but lately, he felt as if Merlin distanced himself.

He didn't know what was going on and every time he asked him, the younger man only shrugged, answering "I am fine," changing the subject.

And Arthur didn't want to push him, knowing there were still many things he didn't know about him.

 

One day, when Arthur didn't have any more classes, he decided to go to Merlin's flat and wait there for him. The plan was to study, but Gwaine was home, so they talked instead.

In the end, Gwaine challenged him in Tekken and that was how Merlin found them when he returned home.

Both men sitting at the couch, shouting at each other, while pushing the buttons on the remotes. The youngest man smiled, putting his bag down, sitting next to Arthur.

The blond smiled at him but continued shouting something at Gwaine, who was laughing. Merlin watched them with a smile for a few more minutes, before the match finally ended.

"Whew," Arthur smiled, smirking at Merlin, leaning close to him to kiss him, "I won that one for you," he signed. "Aww," Merlin grinned, "You're so sweet."

"Hi," Arthur smiled again, brushing Merlin's cheek, "How was your day?" "It was alright," Merlin leaned in the touch.

He then looked behind Arthur, at Gwaine, who was signing something. Arthur turned around, just in time to see Gwaine to sign something about 'letter' and 'hospital'.

Arthur frowned, looking back at Merlin, to ask what it was about, but the younger man was already on his legs, running to the kitchen.

He picked up a big white envelope from the table and walked to his room, closing the door behind himself.

What was that about? Arthur thought, is Merlin alright? He must have written shock all over his face because Gwaine carefully sat next to him.

"You okay buddy?" he asked him quietly and Arthur forced himself to nod. "Is he?" he nodded toward Merlin's room.

"He's fine, you don't have to worry about it." "But it's a letter from a hospital! Is there something wrong with him?" Arthur started freaking out.

Gwaine sighed, petting Arthur's shoulder, "Look, Arthur, it's fine, really. Merlin's not dying or nothing, he will tell you, okay? Just don't freak out."

Arthur shot him a stare, "Don't freak out!?" he groaned, "You know what's it about?" Gwaine nodded, "I do and that's why I am telling you to wait and he will tell you."

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, but before any words came out, the door to Merlin's room opened.

_Merlin._

"Can we talk?" he asked quietly. "What is it?" Arthur jumped on his legs, "Is everything alright?" Merlin nodded shyly, looking at Gwaine.

"Just… come with me," he begged, walking back to his room, Arthur following him right after.

He closed the door behind them and Merlin sat down on the bed, the letter in his hands.

Arthur tried to prepare for the worst.

"Is everything alright?" he signed with shaking hands. Merlin looked up, his eyes slightly red. He must have been crying.

He smiled at Arthur, "Could you…" he started quietly, "Can you sit next to me?" Arthur did as asked, sitting down nervously.

_What was wrong?_

"I was uh... Thinking about it a lot," Merlin handed him the letter, "and I am going on the operation."

"What?" Arthur gasped, shaking. _What's wrong with you Merlin?_ He wanted to ask, but he couldn't even open his mouth.

Merlin must have seen the shock written all over Arthur's face, because he quickly sat closer to him, taking his hands between his own.

"It's not... I am fine! The operation… It's just… I am going to get a Cochlear Implant. I will be hearing again," he chuckled, tears in his eyes.

Arthur frowned. _Wait,_ _what?_ He was in another shock. _So Merlin wasn't dying? Oh, thanks Gods! And he was even going to hear!_

Arthur's mind was going as crazy, trying to process what was happening. Eventually, he must have zoned out, because Merlin was waving his hand in front of Arthur's face.

"Arthur?" the younger man was looking at him nervously, still holding his hands, "Please say something."

Arthur blinked few times, looking straight into Merlin's blue eyes, "Does that mean you will hear again?" he asked, tears in his eyes.

Merlin nodded, "Yeah," he said, almost inaudibly. Arthur didn't trust his voice anymore and so instead of saying anything, he leaned forward, pulling Merlin in a long kiss. He then curled his arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"How long did you plan this?" Arthur asked. They were lying on Merlin's bed, next to each other, their fingers intertwined.

"A few weeks," Merlin confessed and Arthur raised his eyebrows, "And you told Gwaine, but not me?!"

Merlin shrugged, looking down at their connected hands, "I guess I just didn't want to give you false hope… if they didn't approve it…"

Arthur kissed him in the hair, "I will love you no matter what, alright? Hearing or not," he signed. Merlin looked up at him and smiled. "Thank you," he whispered, pulling Arthur in a kiss.

Arthur was so happy for Merlin. He deserved this.

 

When they later returned to the kitchen, both of them smiling, Gwaine greeted them with a bottle of champagne.

"Gods, I hope they approved it," he said, "this would have been awkward otherwise," he raised his hand with the bottle in it.

Merlin chuckled, pulling away from Arthur, walking to Gwaine, hugging him, "They approved," he laughed, "They approved it!"

Gwaine was laughing with him, "That's amazing Merlin!"

 

Gwaine then invited their friends, so they could tell them and celebrate it together and meanwhile, Merlin video-called his mother, to tell her the news.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

Arthur saw Merlin smiling and he knew that he was happy, but he also saw, that he was secretly nervous, even though he wouldn't ever admit it.

And he was right. _Merlin was freaking out._

He didn't say anything to anyone, because they couldn't understand, right? But Arthur refused to give up. He wanted to be there for Merlin.

This was big. This operation was going to change Merlin's life. He would be hearing again.

 

As they were lying in Merlin's bed, Arthur pulled away from the younger man. As the date of the operation was coming, there was one tedious thought in his mind.

He didn't like it and he didn't like the fact that it was growing stronger and stronger every day.

"You okay?" Merlin signed. Arthur noticed that lately, the younger man started signing more. He didn't mind, knowing that there was a lot on Merlin's mind lately.

"Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind…" he signed, kissing Merlin on the forehead, "But don't worry about me. Are _you_ okay?"

Merlin avoided his gaze and only leaned closer to Arthur. "Look, I know you pretend to be alright, but I can see it on you," Arthur signed.

"It's okay, you are allowed to be nervous," he continued, "I just want you to know that I am here if you need someone to talk to."

There was quiet for few seconds, "I think I am really really freaking out," Merlin whispered in the end, looking up at Arthur.

Arthur sighed, pulling Merlin closer to himself, "It's okay," he started signing, "I would be too, but hey, it's okay, you're going to be alright."

"You are going to hear. I know it all seems scary right now, but it's going to be alright…" Merlin sniffled, but Arthur continued, "Remember how you were scared of driving and look at you know."

The younger man chuckled through his tears, "But what is the most important thing, Merlin, is that I don't care if you can hear or not, okay?"

"I love you no matter what, don't you ever forget that alright? I love you so damn much." Merlin smiled at him, "What did I do to ever deserve you?"

"I keep asking myself the same thing every day," Arthur confessed quietly, kissing Merlin the hair, "But no matter what, I will be there with you, okay?"

The younger man nodded. "Good," Arthur smiled, "Now, tell me something about Cochlear?" he asked.

 

"Well," Merlin sat up on the bed, "the operation shouldn't také too long, they will shave my head and p-" Merlin stopped talking when he saw the face of pure desperation on Arthur's face.

"Arthur? What is it?" he asked quietly. "Your hair!" Arthur whined, his fingers curling into Merlin's hair, "They want to shave your beautiful hair."

Merlin chuckled, leaning in the touch, "You dork," he smiled at him, "It will grow back, don't you worry." "It better," Arthur growled.

"Okay, so the operation?" Merlin raised his eyes and Arthur nodded, "They will cut on my side, here," Merlin made an invisible line on the right side of his head, "10-20 centimetres."

Arthur frowned, looking where Merlin's scar was going to be, "How long is it going to heal?" he asked quietly, "About 2 weeks, maybe 3…"

Merlin took Arthur's hands in his own, "And I will get the Cochlear implant in about 4 to 6 weeks after." Arthur nodded, "It will be fine," he said, not quite sure, who he was assuring.

"And Cochlear Implant?" Arthur asked again, playing with Merlin's hands, intertwining their fingers.

"It's this small thing they put on your ear. The operation, it's to put a chip or a receiver on the top of your skull, after the scar heals, you get the Cochlear, which consists of two parts."

"The main one is the speech processor, that's the part you put on your ear, from there leads a short cable which ends with something called the transmitter."

"There's a magnet in it, which then connects to the chip under the skin. Once those two parts connect, it starts to send the signals… the voices."

Arthur nodded, trying to not get lost, "Don't worry," Merlin smiled at him, "once my hair grows back, you won't even be able to see it."

"I don't care, Merlin, I will love you with or without it."

 

～☽✺☾～

 

Arthur agreed or promised, to go with Merlin to the hospital.

Here they met Merlin's mother, who was already waiting for them. Sitting in one of the white rooms, they waited for the doctor's arrival.

Arthur was bouncing his leg, fidgeting with his hands. Clap. Clap. Clap. The younger man looked at him, putting his hand carefully on Arthur's tight to stop him from the bouncing.

"Hey, Arthur," he whispered and when the older man finally stopped moving his leg and looked up at Merlin, he smiled at him, "It's going to be alright," he assured him, taking his hand.

"I will be gone for only 3 hours and you can see me right after. You won't even notice I am gone, okay?" Arthur nodded, squeezing Merlin's hands.

"I'm sorry, you are the one who has the right to be nervous and here I am," he chuckled nervously. "I know," Merlin whispered, "I know."

Arthur smiled, pulling Merlin closer, kissing him in the short hair they cut only a few hours ago.

 

_"Come on Arthur!" Merlin called from the bathroom, "If you don't help me it won't end up well! I will shave my whole head! I will be bald!"_

_That worked rather well. The older man ran in the bathroom, quickly snatching the razor from Merlin's hands._

_"No!" He frowned at his boyfriend who was grinning widely, "oh god," he cried, "we really have to do this... Don't we?"_

_Merlin nodded, handing him the shaver, "It's just a hair," he teased, knowing how much Arthur loved his hair, "It will grow back."_

_Arthur closed his eyes nodding, "Just one more minute," he whispered, walking closer to Merlin, curling his fingers in his hair._

_When he pulled away, Merlin smiled at him, "Ready?" Arthur hesitated, but nodded in the end, taking the shaver from Merlin and turning it on._

 

"Your hair is so short," Arthur complained when he pulled away from Merlin and the younger man chuckled.

"Sometimes I wonder if you are with me just because of my hair..." He joked. "Of course, just the hair, the rest is just a bonus," Arthur teased

"A very good bonus," he added a few seconds later and Merlin smiled fondly, "Did I ever tell you how much I love you?" He asked quietly.

"Not today, no... Do you?" Arthur pretended to think about it. "No.. I don't think so." "You're a prat," Merlin chuckled, Arthur, smiling kindly at him.

"Are _you_ okay?" He asked caringly, brushing Merlin's cheek. The younger man sighed, looking toward the doctor's room.

"Yeah," he said in the end, "nervous, but I know I want to do this."

At that moment Hunith took Merlin's free hand, both men looking at her, "We are going to be there with you the whole time," she promised her son and looked at Arthur. "Right?" The blond nodded.

The door to the doctor's office opened and an older man walked outside, "Merlin Emrys?" He asked and all three of them stood up.

"Yes, Hunith Emrys," the mother introduced herself. "Nice to meet you, madam, I'm doctor Purse, I will be the one operating Merlin today, please, do come in." He pointed in his office.

Hunith followed him immediately, but Merlin froze. Turning around he looked at Arthur, who smiled.

"I will wait here," he told him, brushing his cheek, "okay?"

"Okay," Merlin murmured nervously, "I will be right back," he said, unconsciously delaying the process.

"And I will be right here," Arthur promised once again, knowing what Merlin was doing.

"You better," Merlin fidgeted with his jacket, "because if you won't-" Arthur silenced him with a kiss.

"Off you go," he told him teasingly, "I'll be here, waiting for you." With that, he carefully pushed Merlin toward the office.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

When they walked out a few minutes later (Arthur was still there as he promised) the nurse lead them to a small room with a single bed.

"You have nearly an hour, then I will come for you and we will take you to the operation room," she told them.

"Here," she handed Merlin white clothes, "you might want to change your clothes, it will be more comfortable."

"Any questions?" There was silence. "Very well, see you soon Merlin," she smiled kindly at him and left them alone in the room.

They spent the hour talking. Merlin with Arthur sat on the bed, leaving Hunith the chair.

Arthur held Merlin in his arms, his back pressed against Arthur's chest as he talked to his mom. The older man didn't feel like saying anything, so he was glad for Hunith that she kept him entertained.

He drew patterns on Merlin's arms until he found himself writing 'I love you' over and over.

Merlin stopped talking to Hunith and turned around, facing Arthur. The older man smiled, "What?"

The younger man smiled back, pulling him in a tight hug. "I love you too," he whispered, facing Arthur again so he could kiss him.

 

The door opened and the nurse walked in, everyone looking up.

"It's time Merlin," the woman smiled at him, nodding at Hunith and Arthur, "unfortunately I have to ask you to leave."

Hunith looked at Merlin and hugged him, "I will see you later honey, alright?" Merlin nodded and Hunith kissed him on his forehead.

She then smiled at Arthur and walked out of the room.

"Okay," Arthur breathed out, "Okay, I will see you in three hours, alright?" "Yeah, I will hold you onto that," Merlin chuckled nervously.

"Don't be nervous, love, you will be right out of it, you will sleep the whole time and when you wake up, I will be there, I promise."

"Okay," Merlin smiled, hugging him. When they parted, he brushed Arthur's cheek and kissed him quickly.

"Okay, see you soon," he smiled, shaking a bit. Arthur nodded, smiling at him, "See you when you wake up."

 

～☽✺☾～

 

As they sat in the waiting room, Hunith took Arthur's hand and smiled at him. He didn't even notice he was shaking. The woman put her arms around him and hugged him, brushing his hair slowly.

"He's going to be alright," she said quietly as she continued brushing hair, "You know, I am really glad you are here."

Arthur was secretly happy that she didn't try to tell him how everything was going to be alright, how nothing was going to go wrong, to not worry.

"Merlin is very lucky to have you." "No, it's me who's lucky to have him," Arthur corrected her, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

Hunith chuckled, "I can't believe my boy is going to hear again!" she said softly and Arthur saw tears in her eyes. Smiling shyly he hugged her, "Yes, he is."

"He will be fine, Hunith, you don't have to worry about him, he's the strongest man I have ever met." The woman nodded, wiping her tears.

"I know, I know, it's just… mother's duty to be worried about their children." Arthur nodded, not saying anything. After all, he never had a mother.

"I never met my mother," he said quietly and the woman looked at him with a shock in her eyes, "Oh Arthur, I am so sorry," she gasped.

"No, it's okay… I... she died giving birth to me… so it's not like I remember her and miss her…" he said sadly, avoiding her gaze, "but Merlin's lucky to have you."

Hunith smiled at him, brushing his cheek softly, "You know what, Arthur? If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone… you can always talk to me, okay?"

Arthur pushed his tears away, "Thank you Hunith, thank you so much," he pulled her in a warm hug.

 

It was almost dark outside when the nurse came back. Arthur and Hunith stood up as she reached them.

"Is everything alright?" Hunith asked worried, gripping Arthur's arm. The nurse smiled.

"Everything is alright, Merlin is back in his room. Of course, we can't give him his hearing aid right away, but tomorrow when he wakes up you can talk to the doctors."

"Can we see him?" Arthur asked, "Of course, but he will be sleeping until tomorrow, I am afraid," she pointed toward Merlin's room.

The lights were turned off, but Arthur recognised Merlin's body lying in the bed. They walked to him, but the man was indeed sleeping.

Hunith stayed for a few seconds, but in the end, headed home. She talked to one of the nurses to allow Arthur to stay over the night.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

When Merlin woke up, Arthur was by his side as he promised, sleeping in his chair, holding Merlin's hand.

The younger man smiled, watching him for a few minutes before Arthur finally woke up.

"Morning love," the blond smiled at him sleepily, "How are you feeling?"

Merlin chuckled, "Tired, thanks for staying here." "Of course, I wasn't going to leave you." "Is mom here already?" Arthur nodded.

"She's talking to the doctor, they should come back here any minute now," he told him and Merlin nodded, "Okay."

"Hey, you have the worst behind you," Arthur tried to cheer him up, "It gets only better from now on."

The younger man chuckled, "Yeah… I still can't believe it. I am going to hear." "And you are scared of that? You heard before…"

"Yeah, I know," Merlin rolled his eyes, "but from what I've heard, when one has Cochlear, the voices are created by the machines… what if it's too different?"

Arthur chuckled, "Only you would worry about that. Merlin," he took his face in his hands, "You will hear, that's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Maybe it's scary, maybe it's going to be different than what you're used to… but you will get used to it…"

"Or maybe not, but that doesn't matter, it doesn't matter if you are going to hear. That's your choice, no matter what you decide to do with your life, I am here, alright?"

"I love you so much," Merlin murmured, leaning for a kiss.

Soon the doctor together with Hunith entered the room, the woman smiling at her son.

"Merlin! Hey, how are you feeling?" she rushed to him, hugging him, "I am fine, mom." the man chuckled.

"The doctor wants to talk to us about what is going to happen now," Hunith told him. And that was Arthur's cue to leave.

"I will come back," he promised, when Merlin caught his hand a bit tighter, "Come on, this is a discussion for you and your mom, I'll be right outside, okay?"

Merlin nodded, letting go of him.

 

“The operation went well,” the doctor said once Arthur closed the door behind himself, “the scar seems fine and should heal in few days."

"And when Merlin’s hair grows again, you won’t be able to see it.” Both Hunith and Merlin nodded.

"And about his hearing aid,” the doctor continued, “we have to wait for the scar to heal, and then we will be able to start working on it.”

Merlin smiled. “How long do we have to wait?” Hunith asked. “Usually around a month.” The doctor answered, “Some other questions?"

"If anything happens, you can always come here, or you have my phone number, alright?" Another nod, "Okay, také care of yourselves."

 

～☽✺☾～

 

Both men were lying on Merlin's bed. It was only 7 in the morning, but neither of them could sleep.

Today was _the Day._

They were going to the hospital again, but this time Merlin was going to try the hearing aid for the first time.

They haven't been sleeping. Merlin was way too excited about it, the fact that he was going to hear again and Arthur's thoughts were killing him. _What if?_

Merlin put his head on Arthur's chest. They didn't talk. Not really knowing what to say.

 

Merlin asked Arthur to come with him. First, he didn't want to, thinking that Hunith was coming with him and she probably wanted to enjoy it with Merlin.

But the younger man assured him that their friends were coming as well. He couldn't say no. _But what if?_

 

Gwaine, Arthur and Merlin reached the hospital, where they met the rest of their friends and Hunith. The mood was somewhere between happiness, excitement and nervousness.

The doctor was surprised how many people Merlin brought with, but didn't say anything. He led them in a small waiting room with a window to a smaller office.

Arthur, Hunith and their friends waited there, while Merlin followed the doctor in the small office. Here he sat on the chair next to the table and waited.

The doctor smiled at him, putting a small black case with a Cochlear logo on top of it in front of Merlin, nodding, he encouraged the man to open it.

"Go on," he signed, "open it." Merlin reached for it slowly, opening it, meanwhile, the doctor did something on his computer.

Inside was Merlin's new hearing aid. The Cochlear Implant. It was so small, black, probably wasn't even going to be seen when Merlin's hair grew back.

The young man chuckled, "Wow, it's so small!"

The doctor smiled at him and took it from Merlin. He connected it to the computer, using a long cable. Once it was connected, he handed it back to Merlin.

"Do you know how to put it on?" he asked and Merlin shrugged, "Guess I will figure it out," he chuckled.

"The processor on the ear, the transmitter- the thing on the end of the cable from the processor- goes where the magnet under your scar is, if you just hold it above the skin, you should feel the exact position."

Merlin nodded, proceeding to do so. "Got it!" he chuckled, the doctor smiling at him encouragingly.

"But it feels weird," he complained, Gwaine behind the glass scoffing, "Dork." Arthur forced a smile, frowning a bit. _What if?_

"You will get used to it," the doctor nodded at him, "Now… are you ready?" he asked, pointing toward his ear.

Merlin took a deep breath, "Let's do this." he whispered.

"Alright Merlin, here we go, I will slowly raise the sounds, right now it's set very low, alright?" Merlin nodded.

"I will keep raising the volume and I need you to tell me, when you think or will hear something, alright?" Merlin nodded again.

_It's happening! It's really happening! Merlin will hear again!_

And then it happened.

He felt something.

A sound.

But it wasn't the same sound as before. This sound didn't disappear.

It was real.

He heard.

Merlin froze, unable to move. He didn't even notice the tears falling from his eyes.

The doctor stopped talking, "Merlin?" he asked, "Can you hear me?"

The men nodded, chuckling through the tears.

 

The few next minutes the doctor was working on setting the sound line on such volume, that Merlin could hear the sounds around him and at the same time, it wouldn't be too loud.

Finally, the doctor invited Hunith inside.

"Honey?" She spoke up, her voice trembling, Merlin chuckled, more tears falling from his eyes, "Hi mom," he whispered, pulling crying Hunith in a hug.

He heard sounds. He couldn't understand what they were saying, but they were there.

"I can hear you," he cried, chuckling, "I can hear you!" he laughed.

He forgot his mother's sweet voice. He didn't maybe understand the sounds yet, but it didn't matter. He could hear!

Merlin never believed that he would hear again.

When both of them calmed down a bit, the rest of Merlin's friends walked inside as well.

"Oh man!" Gwaine laughed, his voice louder than the rest of them. Merlin chuckled, "Hey Gwaine," he smiled at him.

"How do I sound?" the man asked and Merlin chuckled, "Loud." Everyone around him laughed, Gwaine turning around, so Merlin wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

Everyone had a different voice. Merlin already forgot how many sounds were out there.

"I can't differentiate your voices," he complained, laughing. "That will také some time to learn," the doctor signed.

Merlin looked around. Arthur wasn't there. He looked back toward the window, where they were waiting before.

The man was standing there, watching Merlin. When their eyes met, he forced a smile and quickly left.

Merlin frowned. What was wrong? He looked at his friends, but they didn't seem to notice Arthur's absence.

What he didn't know, was that Arthur was haunted by _that_ thought. _What if? But What if what?_

He didn't even get the chance to be sad about it, because Gwiane was talking to him again and this was supposed to be a happy moment.

 

The doctor made a few more changes in the volume, but in the end, let Merlin go.

It was going to také some getting used to, so he advised Merlin to také it slowly, to not start using it non stop in the beginnings.

Instead to use it for a few minutes per day, slowly getting used to the different sounds and voices.

 

Once Merlin was lying in his bed later that night, he opened his phone. He managed to forget about Arthur until then, but now, when he was finally alone, he felt sad again.

_Where were you, Arthur?_

 

**< Arthur>**

_I am sorry Merlin, I am not feeling well, I will need some time alone. Don't worry about me, hope you had a nice day, you looked happy._

_I am sorry I left you, I really am._

_I love you._

 

Merlin frowned, What was wrong?

_Is everything okay?_

_Just text me if you need anything. Or come over. Miss you already._

_Love you too <3_

 

Merlin knew that Arthur read the messages, but the other man never answered. Merlin was angry at him.

It was such an important day for Merlin and Arthur just left. What happened? Why was Arthur avoiding him?

 

For a whole week, Merlin didn't hear from Arthur.

Every day he took out his Cochlear and listened for a few minutes before the sounds got too much and too loud.

He was now able to tell men voices apart from women ones. He didn't jump so much anymore when a loud sound surprised him.

Everything was great, except it wasn't. Arthur wasn't there.

 

～☽✺☾～

 

Merlin knocked on the door and waited. Soon it opened and Arthur froze.

"Hey," Merlin greeted him quietly suddenly realizing he didn't know what to say, both of them standing there in silence.

"Can you hear?" Arthur signed and the younger man shook his head, raising his hand in which he was holding the black case, where his Cochlear was.

"I am sorry," Arthur signed and invited him inside. He shouted something at Morgana and they went to Arthur's room.

Merlin sat on Arthur's bed, while the older man stood in front of him, nervously pacing around.

"What's wrong?" Merlin finally broke the silence between them.

"You just left," he stopped talking, until Arthur looked at him, "I wanted you to be there with me, and you… what?"

"Just left and now you're ignoring me!" Merlin didn't want to argue with Arthur, he really didn't, but he was so tired, and he missed him.

But it was a very important day for Merlin and he got every right to be hurt, that Arthur just left, without saying anything.

"I am sorry," Arthur started, "I just… I couldn't…" Merlin scoffed, "You couldn't? You couldn't what?" he raised his voice.

"Your only job was to be there and to talk to me, I was the one freaking out." Arthur was again avoiding his gaze.

"I just thought that I can count on you," he stopped, furious, "Fucking hell Arthur! Can you at least look at me?"

When the older man looked up, Merlin noticed the tears falling from his eyes.

"I am sorry Merlin," he said, shaking his head, "I am just so fucking afraid, okay? I have the right to be scared as well! It's not like you do this every day!"

_What if?_

"Why would you be afraid?" Merlin frowned, "What can _you_ possibly be afraid of?" he asked.

"What if you don't like my voice?" Arthur finally confessed his fear, looking away from Merlin, so the younger man didn't have to watch him cry.

_What if? What if he doesn't like my voice?_

Merlin was staring at him. After a while he stood up and walked over to Arthur, hugging him tightly from behind.

"I don't really think that I _can't_ not like your voice," he whispered, turning Arthur around, wiping away his tears.

"You know what you always say, that you love me no matter if I hear or not, well guess what? It goes both ways."

"I will like you even if you sound like an old lady," he tried to lighten the mood, the older man chuckling lightly.

 

They went to bed eventually. Merlin fell asleep soon, but Arthur was still wide awake.

He felt Merlin sleeping next to him, his breathing calm. He kissed him in the hair and carefully got up from the bed.

 _Now or never,_ Arthur thought.

He went over to the lamp and turned it on. Merlin murmured something in the bed, turned around hiding under extra blankets.

Arthur pulled out the Cochlear out of the case and walked back to the bed, lying next to Merlin.

Trying to remember how Merlin did it a few days ago, Arthur tried to put the Cochlear on Merlin's ear.

 

Merlin woke up by Arthur putting something behind his ear. He opened his eyes, turning around.

Arthur was trying to put the Cochlear on his ear. Unsuccessfully.   
Merlin put his hand over Arthur's shaking one and helped him to do it right. Soon he heard quiet sounds.

And then he waited.

Arthur opened his mouth a few times but always closed it again.

Merlin smiled at him, brushing his cheek, "It's okay," he whispered and leaned forward to kiss him.

When he wanted to put the Cochlear away, Arthur caught his wrist, stopping him from doing so.

Merlin looked up at him again.

"I love you, Merlin," Arthur said and Merlin smiled, trying not to cry.

Arthur's voice was beautiful.

"Say it again," he whispered.

"I love you so much Merlin," Arthur repeated a bit louder this time, smiling nervously.

Merlin leaned over to him and kissed him softly, "I love you too. And your voice."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand here we go! Next chapter, discovering the hearing life once again :))))) any questions for Cochlear? So I can answer them in the next chapters? Or any questions at all? :)

**Author's Note:**

> I already wrote this once, but never finished it, now I rewrote it for Merthur, because it seemed fitting for their relationship (honestly I love the protectiveness between them)


End file.
